The Impatient Chef Can’t Sit Still at Baseline Biscuits

The Impatient Chef and His Mustard, September 2024

The series known as "Can't Sit Still" is usually based on a single visit to a restaurant, and The Impatient Chef humbly advises readers that their mileage may vary.  This one breaks the mold a little, because this was a return visit.  

If Dear Reader will allow a peak behind the curtain of this blog, every so often The Impatient Chef needs to allow Toto to reveal the Wizard's true nature.  My name is Gary Quay, and I am The Impatient Chef.  You can visit my photographic endeavor at www.quaygang.com.  This blog started out more or less normally, but as it grew, The Impatient Chef took on more of a life of his own, and insisted on being referred to in the third person.  Perish the thought of using "I" or "me".  This informs the humor, but creates compositional challenges, one of which is how he refers to his wife.  She agreed to how this was to be done in advance.  

Baseline Biscuits is a no-frills eatery In Parkdale (on the Hood River Valley's famous Fruit Loop), which is on the doorstep of Mount Hood, Oregon’s tallest mountain. The Impatient Chef says "no frills" because it doesn't waste resources being showy, rather it lets the food do the talking.  The food has always been decent, and just adventurous enough to not be ho hum while still appealing to a wider audience.  That appeal is necessary due to Parkdale being a wee tiny, and a little off the beaten path and into the sticks.

The food: The Impatient Chef has to admit right away that he has not tried the biscuits.  That will be remedied someday, but the Spousal Unit has, and made yummy noises while cleaning the plate.  On one occasion he had the shrimp and grits, and found them to be excellent. He highly recommends them. 

  

The Biscuits and Gravy During Yummy Noises

The Impatient Chef has had the Baseline Burger on two occasions. The first time (September 2024), the restaurant had no mustard.  This was a violation of all that is holy (albeit good-naturedly so).  The idea of an East Coast lad making his way to the burger hinterlands of Oregon may have not occurred to them previously, but luckily there is a grocery store just up the street.  Burgers WILL have mustard on them.  As of Winter 2026, they have some on hand.  

The 2024 Burger with Contraband Mustard and Loaded Potato Salad.  

The burger was 1/2 pound. It came with bacon, pickle, tomato, lettuce, and an onion ring, plus their house made sauce. It's a decent burger.   It's big, and quite filling.  Again, just adventurous enough, but not top tier.  Dear Reader would not be wrong in ordering one. 

The Burger, Winter 2026 (Mustard Provided by the Establishment)

What floored The Impatient Chef was the Mary Mix. He often orders a Virgin Mary (a Bloody Mary without the alcohol, or as some call it, a "Why Bother") because he likes spiced up tomato juice.  This one comes with a little horseradish in it, and it was sublime. It comes in a glass with a salted rim. They mix it up themselves.  The waitress said that she had mixed up this batch that very morning.  

Mary Mix

Attempt at Selfie with Burger Goes Horribly Wrong

The Impatient Chef understands that Dear Reader is unlikely to encounter this eatery in the wild, so this review may be the only exposure, but if you are in the area and you want to hear your Spousal Unit make yummy noises, or you want to make them yourself, stop on by and try the biscuits.  The Chicken Fried Steak is reported to be astounding, so get some of that too.  

A little about the Hood River Valley.  

The Little Butte That Could, Spring 2017

The Hood River Valley is only a valley inasmuch as it is between two mountains.  You have to drive up a long hill to get there.  That tells you a little about the terrain.  It is home to fruit orchards and the farmers who tend them.  Those orchards and their associated fruit stands make up the Hood River Fruit Loop.  The Impatient Chef wiled away many an hour gathering the bounty of those orchards when he lived there, and returns whenever possible.  

Drying Peppers at Draper Girls Farm

Tomatoes at Draper Girls Farm

Apples at Mountain View Orchards

Pears Hangin' Out in Odell, Oregon

Two of The Impatient Chef's favorite farm stands are Draper Girls, and Packer Orchards, but all of them are worth a visit.  Check out the Gorge White House while you are there, and stop by Wy'East Winery.  The Hood River Fruit Loop is a must see if you are in the area.  The farmers will be happy to see you.  You could tell them that The Impatient Chef sent you, but you would only confuse them.  

Thanks for reading!

--The Impatient Chef

The Impatient Chef Can’t Sit Still at 3 Rivers Grill, Hood River

The Impatient Chef Can’t Sit Still at 3 Rivers Grill , Hood River

The Can't Sit Still series of reviews is normally from a single visit to a restaurant while out on the road.  This one will be different.  3 Rivers Grill in Hood River, Oregon has been a favorite for many years.  So, here goes...

The Impatient Chef first reviewed 3 Rivers Grill in 2018.  You can find that here. 

3 Rivers Grill in Hood River is upscale without being snooty, and the food is always good. The Impatient Chef and Spouse sampled its eats in early June 2024 as an early summer downpour let up long enough for us to get to the front door.  

A few words about Hood River:  The Impatient Chef began this blog duing his much too brief tenure as a resident of that fine city in the heart of the Columbia Gorge.  It is built on the cusp of Oregon's dry side, where rainfall decreases, and the western lush foliage slowly gives way to boney white oaks, and finally to grasslands within the space of twenty miles eastward.  The city rises from the banks of the mighty Columbia River, and climbs the gorge walls like a tiny San Francisco until arriving in "The Heights" where it flattens out before giving way to the orchards of the Hood River Valley.  3 Rivers Grill is perched on the hillside between river and Heights, on a road that more resembles a ski jump.  If you want to get to its door, bring along some rope and a few crampons.  

On the June visit, shrimp cocktail was first on the must have list. It came served in a cocktail glass for a nice touch. The shrimp was perfectly done and the cocktail sauce, while being light on horseradish, had something spicy going on to give it some zing, so it did not suffer from the omission. The Impatient Chef suspects that they used siracha.  

Show Us Your Tails!

The entrée was the day's special:  Strip steak with crab and shrimp.  Everything was piled up like a rugby match on mashed potatoes, with the crab sprinkled generously over top.  The sauce was delicious, but cold.  The Impatient Chef is not sure if it was supposed to be that way, but it didn't matter much.  The steak was a perfect medium rare.  Everything played well together, and the pile contained enough food to split between two people, and still be satisfied afterward.  

The Pile of Yum

Another View of Yum

The reasons that The Impatient Chef boomerangs to 3 Rivers Grill are that the food is always excellent, and the staff is friendly. You can also see Mt. Adams from the deck.  

Thanks for looking!

The Impatient Chef

The Impatient Chef Can't Sit Still at Creekside BBQ in Vancouver, Washington

The Impatient Chef Can't Sit Still at Creekside BBQ in Vancouver, Washington

Disclaimer: “Can’t Sit Still” is a series of reviews based on a single visit to a restaurant while traveling.  Your results may vary.  

Because The Impatient Chef Can't Sit Still, he stopped in at Creekside BBQ in Vancouver, Washington for the first time today with a hankering for anything smoked and savory. Upon arrival, the first thing of note is the unassuming strip mall vibe, which is not necessarily a bad thing.  Lots of good meals can be had in such places.  

Creekside BBQ Counter

Exiting the car, The Impatient Chef immediately caught the wiff of wood smoke.  There is really no smell like it when the stomach is growling, assuming that one is not a vegetarian (to be perfectly frank, The Impatient Chf was a vegetarian in the 80's and 90's, but sill thought that the smell of smoke from BBQ pits was intoxicating). 

Ordering is perpetrated at the counter.  The staff was friendly and helpful, all one of him.  Hunger demanded the Tri-Mountain Plate, which has three meats and two sides.  The meats:  brisket, pulled pork and chicken.  The sides:  mac and cheese, and a horseradish coleslaw.  Add in some sweet tea, and things were looking up.  

How Sweet It Is

At the table was a basket of four different sauces. Things were looking even better.  Excitment crackled like static electricity in the air.  

The Sauces

The meal arrived shortly. The portions were good, and presented well. 

The Meal (Already Split Between Two People)

The brisket was the star of the show. It was tender, juicy, and The Impatient Chef could cut it with a fork.  

The chicken and pork, however, didn't quite live up to the brisket's example.

The chicken was a little dry. It had a decently smoky taste, but needed something to counteract the dryness.

The pulled pork was also a little dry.   It was missing the smoky, caramelized flavor that good pulled porks have, and The Impatient Chef has had some amazing pulled porks over the eons, so he knows the difference.  It also needed a good sauce to give it a little zing.

Which brings us to the sauces. The sauces were disappointing.  The flavors did not seem complimentary to the meats. They called attention to themselves instead of playing nice. The sauces were as follows: 

• Texas Red. Too sweet. Bright but overpowering flavor.
• Kansas City Sweet - opposite problem. Timidity flavored, but still odd on the palate. 
• North Carolina Vinegar was the best of the lot. It was not too vinegary, and had some interesting flavors to back it up. It stole the show on the brisket. That said, it clashed with the other meats. 
• South Carolina Mustard - not bad on the pulled pork. Better when mixed with the vinegar sauce.  It clashed mightily with the chicken and brisket.  They drew swords at each other and growled, metaphorcally, of course. Thankfully, nobody was run through.

The sides: Horseradish coleslaw - fresh and crisp. Great flavor. Mac and cheese - a Velveeta-like flavor with sad bread crumbs (possibly panko) on top.

Cornbread muffin - acceptable. Unusual, but good texture.

Overall, it was average bbq. The Impatient Chef was hoping it would be one of those diamond in the rough places that put out wow food from unlikely digs. It was not to be this time.  

All these things said, It was not a bad meal, merely average, so you wouldn't be wrong going there if you crave BBQ. Just don't expect to have your socks knocked off.

Thanks for reading!

The Impatient Chef.