The Impatient Chef Can’t Sit Still at Baseline Biscuits

The Impatient Chef and His Mustard, September 2024

The series known as "Can't Sit Still" is usually based on a single visit to a restaurant, and The Impatient Chef humbly advises readers that their mileage may vary.  This one breaks the mold a little, because this was a return visit.  

If Dear Reader will allow a peak behind the curtain of this blog, every so often The Impatient Chef needs to allow Toto to reveal the Wizard's true nature.  My name is Gary Quay, and I am The Impatient Chef.  You can visit my photographic endeavor at www.quaygang.com.  This blog started out more or less normally, but as it grew, The Impatient Chef took on more of a life of his own, and insisted on being referred to in the third person.  Perish the thought of using "I" or "me".  This informs the humor, but creates compositional challenges, one of which is how he refers to his wife.  She agreed to how this was to be done in advance.  

Baseline Biscuits is a no-frills eatery In Parkdale (on the Hood River Valley's famous Fruit Loop), which is on the doorstep of Mount Hood, Oregon’s tallest mountain. The Impatient Chef says "no frills" because it doesn't waste resources being showy, rather it lets the food do the talking.  The food has always been decent, and just adventurous enough to not be ho hum while still appealing to a wider audience.  That appeal is necessary due to Parkdale being a wee tiny, and a little off the beaten path and into the sticks.

The food: The Impatient Chef has to admit right away that he has not tried the biscuits.  That will be remedied someday, but the Spousal Unit has, and made yummy noises while cleaning the plate.  On one occasion he had the shrimp and grits, and found them to be excellent. He highly recommends them. 

  

The Biscuits and Gravy During Yummy Noises

The Impatient Chef has had the Baseline Burger on two occasions. The first time (September 2024), the restaurant had no mustard.  This was a violation of all that is holy (albeit good-naturedly so).  The idea of an East Coast lad making his way to the burger hinterlands of Oregon may have not occurred to them previously, but luckily there is a grocery store just up the street.  Burgers WILL have mustard on them.  As of Winter 2026, they have some on hand.  

The 2024 Burger with Contraband Mustard and Loaded Potato Salad.  

The burger was 1/2 pound. It came with bacon, pickle, tomato, lettuce, and an onion ring, plus their house made sauce. It's a decent burger.   It's big, and quite filling.  Again, just adventurous enough, but not top tier.  Dear Reader would not be wrong in ordering one. 

The Burger, Winter 2026 (Mustard Provided by the Establishment)

What floored The Impatient Chef was the Mary Mix. He often orders a Virgin Mary (a Bloody Mary without the alcohol, or as some call it, a "Why Bother") because he likes spiced up tomato juice.  This one comes with a little horseradish in it, and it was sublime. It comes in a glass with a salted rim. They mix it up themselves.  The waitress said that she had mixed up this batch that very morning.  

Mary Mix

Attempt at Selfie with Burger Goes Horribly Wrong

The Impatient Chef understands that Dear Reader is unlikely to encounter this eatery in the wild, so this review may be the only exposure, but if you are in the area and you want to hear your Spousal Unit make yummy noises, or you want to make them yourself, stop on by and try the biscuits.  The Chicken Fried Steak is reported to be astounding, so get some of that too.  

A little about the Hood River Valley.  

The Little Butte That Could, Spring 2017

The Hood River Valley is only a valley inasmuch as it is between two mountains.  You have to drive up a long hill to get there.  That tells you a little about the terrain.  It is home to fruit orchards and the farmers who tend them.  Those orchards and their associated fruit stands make up the Hood River Fruit Loop.  The Impatient Chef wiled away many an hour gathering the bounty of those orchards when he lived there, and returns whenever possible.  

Drying Peppers at Draper Girls Farm

Tomatoes at Draper Girls Farm

Apples at Mountain View Orchards

Pears Hangin' Out in Odell, Oregon

Two of The Impatient Chef's favorite farm stands are Draper Girls, and Packer Orchards, but all of them are worth a visit.  Check out the Gorge White House while you are there, and stop by Wy'East Winery.  The Hood River Fruit Loop is a must see if you are in the area.  The farmers will be happy to see you.  You could tell them that The Impatient Chef sent you, but you would only confuse them.  

Thanks for reading!

--The Impatient Chef

The Impatient Chef Can't Sit Still at Humble Spirit, McMinnville, Oregon

Disclaimer:  The series "The Impatient Chef Can't Sit Still" is an exploration of food found while traveling.  The reviews are usually based on a single visit, so remember that your mileage will vary.  

The Coffee

The Impatient Chef was on his way back from the Oregon Coast (with wife riding shotgun) in early January, and was on the prowl for a good, unexplored restaurant. Apple Maps had a few suggestions, and Humble Spirit seemed to be at the right distance away for a late morning brunch.

Located in Downtown McMinnville, this elegant, mildly upscale American restaurant oozes with Willamette Valley charm. McMinnville is in the heart of Oregon wine country, and sports a thriving downtown peppered with wineries, art and restaurants. We parked, and hobbled in where we were greeted like we had just entered an art gallery. That is not a bad thing. In fact, it was pleasant and friendly. That vibe carried over to the food and service. Our waitress was charming and talkative (which we like), and she helped steer us to the right food. She also explained that the restaurant started from two regenerative farms, which The Impatient Chef heartily endorses.

The first order of business was coffee. Since it arrives first, it is sometimes possible to guess at the quality of the food by how good the coffee is. In this case it was excellent. Expectations were high.

The Impatient Chef and Wife ordered the Corned Beef Hash, and the Dungeness Crab Benedict. The Impatient Chef often splits meals to avoid looking like he swallowed a basketball rather than merely a football.

The Hash

The Hash: The corned beef was cut into chunks, not pulled apart like it normally is. It did not have the flavor you would normally expect, yet it was excellent and slightly crispy, with a baked egg in the center. Their house-made hot sauce goes well with it.

The Benedict

The Benedict: Served on a crab cake instead of English muffin with greens over top,along with radish strips. The Hollandaise is delicate, and does not overpower the crab. The flavor did not grab The Impatient Chef by the lapels and shake him about for a bit, but it did run its fingers through his hair and ask him out for a date. Since The Impatient Chef is happily married, he settled for eating it instead. It didn't seem to mind. 

The Sauce

So, if you go to McMinnville, Oregon, do yourself a favor, and stop by Humble Spirit.

Thanks for reading!

—The Impatient Chef

The Impatient Chef Can’t Sit Still at Denizens Café, Portland

The Impatient Chef finds comfort in comfort food in the comfort of a breakfast and lunch nook comfortably ensconced on NE Sandy Blvd in Portland, Oregon.  

"Can't Sit Still" is a series of road food finds where a single meal is reviewed.  They do not reflect a restaurant's entire menu, or the establishment as a whole.  

A Comfortable Impatient Chef at Denizens

Denizins is a little gem hidden in an unassuming strip of mid-century storefronts that no one would blame you for driving past without noticing. The does NOT mean you should. Allow The Impatient Chef to expound. The food is good, as was the service, but the place looks like it exists on a shoestring budget. Your job, dear reader, is to fatten that budget up with repeated patronage if you are able.

Some notable observations:  Ethos - fostering community through local food, not buying the cheapest ingredients from the warehouse.  The Impatient Chef endorses this approach.  Quality Ingredients - simple food shines brightest with better ingredients.  Price - the prices are reasonable, considering the quality of the ingredients.  

The Counter 

The breakfast menu consists of English Muffin sandwiches and pancakes, plus a small assortment of pastries from Marcie Bakery.  They also serve Rocky Butte Coffee.  

The lone staff member greeted The Impatient Chef and wife upon entry, and helped us through the menu options.  The Impatient Chef ordered the Morning Jumpstart (sausage or ham with cheese, egg, and jalapeños), and wife ordered the Top of the Morning (sausage or ham with egg, cheese, spinach, mushrooms, and pickled red onion).  We also split two of the pastries:  A chocolate croissant and a marionberry/cream cheese croissant.  

The Muffs

The sandwiches were delicious.  They are not haute cuisine, but they are solid, American breakfast grub a notch or two above the grade.  As mentioned before (multiple times), this is breakfast comfort food.  The muffins were not dry, which, in less capable hands, is often a problem.  The jalapeños seemed grilled, which was an excellent choice over the pickled variety for this application.

The croissants were okay.  The chocolate version needed more chocolate.  The Impatient Chef's half had some in two bites out of seven.  

Dessert

The coffee had a pronounced, nutty flavor.  Very unique.  We never had Rocky Butte Coffee before.  More exploration is required.  

Rocky Butte is a cinder cone left over from the area's volcanic past, and a reminder that past can become present with a mere twitch of the Earth's crust.  So, enjoy good food now.  

The Impatient Chef's overall impression thus far is that they care about what they do, and about their community.  We need more of that in this world.  Next: Go there for lunch or brunch.  Watch this space for the update.  

Thanks!

The Impatient Chef.

The Impatient Chef Can't Sit Still at Uncle Earl's BBQ Bistro

Uncle Earl's Cart

There’s a food cart pod just off of SE 82nd Ave in Portland, Oregon. A side street called SE Lafayette heads off at a right angle just before SE Powell Blvd heading north. The Impatient Chef happened to see it on my way home from Pensey’s Spices and a restaurant supply store where he bought a cast iron tortilla press. Tacos may ensue. The cart pod, called Collective Oregon Eateries, seemed inviting enough, so The Impatient Chef parked, and got out of the car. That’s when the sweet smell of smoked BBQ hit him. That smell is hard to resist, so The Impatient Chef made a bee line to the source, which is Uncle Earl’s BBQ Bistro. 

Uncle Earl gave me a wave when The Impatient Chef took a picture (above) of his cart to send it the Spousal Unit to let her know that there was BBQ afoot. She was agreeable, so The Impatient Chef ordered. Brisket was the obvious starting place. Brisket is key to knowing whether a BBQ joint knows its business. Rounding out the meal were pulled pork, and a half a chicken. Our sides were mac and cheese, and corn bread muffins. 

The Menu

  After a ten minute wait, The Impatient Chef had a bag of BBQ to take home. 

Which The Impatient Chef did. 

This is where it gets complicated. Fear not. The outcome was satisfying.

The Impatient Chef doesn’t answer phone calls while driving, yet Uncle Earl tried to call to say that he had forgotten the pulled pork. The voicemail was waiting once ensconced in the garage.  Arrangements were made arrangements to pick it up later.

So, missing the pulled pork, we dove in.    

The Impatient Chef has taken better pictures than this

The Brisket.

Cut-it-with-a-fork tender, juicy, and smokey, it really was the star of the show. There is no doubt that Uncle Earl knows brisket inside and out. There really is not much more to say about it. Gather your best superlatives in a basket and fling them at it. See what sticks.

The Chicken.

Chicken is a demanding bird. Prone to dryness, and yet hard to cook all the way through without becoming dry, it’s easy to cluck it up. This chicken was midrange moist, but not dry. The rub was nicely spiced with a satisfying amount of smoke, and it went well with the BBQ sauce provided.

Mac and Cheese.

Much better than The Impatient Chef has gotten from other BBQ places. It is not an afterthought. It even has a little smoke to it. It is not the gloppy style. The macaroni had a good coating, enough to hold everything together, but not too much. Some types of mac an cheese demand a lot of sauce, but The Impatient Chef thinks that Uncle Earl’s would suffer from too much. It has a fairly intense flavor. Too much sauce could overpower the noodles. 

Corn Bread Muffins

Corn bread tends to be dry, and this was no exception. It was, however, moister than most, and The Impatient Chef could eat it without butter or honey. In the South, there is a distinction between corn bread and what is derisively called “Johnny Cake”, which is dry and requires copious amounts of butter to make it palatable. This was not Johnny Cake. Lighter in color than many an inedible corn bread muffin that The Impatient Chef has had in the past (Yes, The Impatient Chef is talking to you, Black Bear Diner), it had a fresh, corny (not corn-mealy) flavor, with what looks like a small amount of diced red peppers inside. 

Pulled Pork.

After finishing the meal, we drove back out to the cart to pick up the pulled pork. The Impatient Chef knows that mistakes happen, but Uncle Earl wasn’t giving himself any slack. He apologized a number of times, and threw in some ribs to sweeten the deal. Like the brisket, the pulled pork was a masterwork of smoked meats. Tender and juicy with all the appropriate superlatives flung at it, it shines brightly between the teeth. 

Ribs

The bonus ribs were likewise excellent. Not wanting to be too repetitious, The Impatient Chef will leave it at that. 

If you are in the area, follow your nose from 82nd and Lafayette Street, and settle in for some excellent BBQ. Try not to notice the self-inflicted boot print on Uncle Earl’s back side. He won’t be forgetting your pulled pork.

Thanks for reading! 

The Impatient Chef

The Impatient Chef Can't Sit Still at Ixtapa Hood River

 The Impatient Chef Can't Sit Still at Ixtapa Hood River

The Impatient Chef Meets the Burrito

“Can’t Sit Still” is a series of posts featuring a single visit to a restaurant while out on the road. It is not meant to offer an evaluation of the restaurant's menu on the whole.

This meal happened on a very windy day in the Eastern Columbia Gorge in Oregon. The Impatient Chef blew into Hood River from Points Yonder with a carload of camera gear that was not used to photograph wildflowers because they couldn’t sit still either.

Ixtapa is a small chain of 5 Mexican restaurants in Oregon and Idaho. The Impatient Chef breezed through the one in The Dalles, Oregon about 6 years ago, and so was interested in seeing what the Hood River location had to offer.

It was good to be back in town. Having lived in Hood River for a few years, and still missing the place, it really was a wonderful town.

We were seated, and the prerequisite chips and salsa appeared on the table. The Chips were fresh, and the salsa was mild but surprisingly good, featuring tomato, cilantro, onion, and peppers.

We ordered the Ixtapa Burrito with an extra plate, and another dish of salsa for the remaining chips. The waitress called it the Burrito Ixtapa for a refreshing burst of atmosphere authentic and charm Mexican, which matched the music Mariachi on the sound system.

The Impatient Chef is questing for the best carnitas in the usual stompin’ grounds after having some incredible stuff in Sacramento, and from a taco cart in Mosier (link). If the joint is surrounded by Mexican farm or construction workers, you will find flavor there.

Gaia ordered a Margarita. She said it was good, and the tequila was “not gasolineish”.

The burrito. This burrito sinks or swims on the flavor of the carnitas. Some places do it better than others. The burrito also contained rice, melted cheese, guacamole, sour cream. Onion, scallions, refried beans.

The carnitas verdict:. A bit bland, with signs of attempted, but not successful caramelization. Overall flavor is not bad, but suffers from an apparent attempt to make it palatable for Americans. Music and adjective placement aside, the burrito had none of the prerequisite zing. 

We had cheesecake for dessert. Chocolate with shaved chocolate and whipped cream and a cherry on an Oreo crust. It looked awesome. The reality was again quite different. The cheesecake filling was whipped - more mousse than cheesecake. It did not seem like it was made on site. It was light on chocolate flavor. The Impatient Chef is beginning to wonder if the taste buds have failed.

Overall, it was burrito disappointing.

The Impatient Chef Can't Sit Still at Tokyo-Ya in Portland

The Impatient Chef Can't Sit Still at Tokyo-Ya in Portland

The Impatient Chef Noodling About

    Having watched food shows over the last ten years like Chef’s Table, Ugly Delicious (with David Chang), and anything starring Anthony Bourdain, The Impatient Chef has become infatuated with the idea of ramen. In the hinter years before ramen culture swept the US, it consisted of dried noodles and a flavor packet in a plastic wrapper.  Realizing that there was more to the oodley noodles than previously suspected, The impatient Chef thereby endeavored to make a higher form of ramen, starting with homemade dashi, various veggies, a hard-boiled egg or two, and very thin noodles.  Oddly enough, a breakfast tradition was born from these fishy beginnings.  Even more recently, The Impatient Chef decided to try some ramen restaurants. Tokyo-Ya was the second one: A fact that will come into play later.   
    The Impatient Chef and wife stopped for lunch at Tokyo-Ya on SE 82nd Ave in Portland on a fine (for ducks), drizzly afternoon in the wee hours of March, 2024.  The atmosphere inside, and out of the rain, is strip mall, but not of the squalid sort.  It was, frankly, fitting. The aforementioned ramen culture in Japan relies heavily on smallish slot spaces like the one this one occupies.  There is plenty of wood, hanging lights, and Japanese stylings.  An odd, Asian-inspired version of The Mamas and the papas' song “California Dreamin’” played on the sound system. It was not unpleasant. The follow up song was “San Francisco”, originally by Scott McKenzie, done in the same style by the same artist as the previous song. It was not not unpleasant (double negative intended). The drum beat was exactly the same for both songs.
    Enough about the music.
    My wife ordered gyoza appetizer, and a side salad.  The Impatient Chef ordered the Miso Ramen. We asked for all of it to arrive at the same time. The gyoza arrived a full ten minutes before the ramen. 

The Gyoza

The Salad

    The pork and chicken gyoza arrived browned on one side, oozed umami, and came with a teriyaki-like sauce on the side.  

    The beautifully arranged salad adorned a triangular plate, and was swaddled in a flavorful, but slightly sweet, dressing.
    Then the ramen arrived amid high expectations, unfortunately after my wife had mostly finished her meal.  
    The first ramen restaurant we visited was Kenji’s Ramen and Grill in Vancouver, Washington. The Impatient Chef mentions this because it set the bar very high. Their ramen came with marinated eggs, spicy kimchi, and some spectacular pork belly.  The flavors were bold and extroverted.  There may have been angels singing in the distance.  The rating system for ramen will be known as the "Kenji Scale", as they are a ten.

The Ramen

    The expectations did not survive the comparison with Kenji’s. Don’t get me wrong:  The Ramen was good. It was not, however, sublime. According to the menu, the broth is cooked for 12 hours - it has lots of umami, a little taste of sesame oil, and good miso flavor without being too sweet. The pork belly was sliced like bacon, and it tasted good, but it lacked a unique spin that a more adventurous establishment would deliver.  If the eggs were marinated, it was not for very long.  
    The portion was big enough for two people, so part of it went home.  
    Overall, it was a good meal. The Impatient Chef rates it a 7 on the Kenji scale.  You can certainly do worse. You can, however, do better.  

    Thanks for reading!

    The Impatient Chef

The Impatient Chef Fish and Chips Review: The Bowpicker, Astoria, Oregon

 The Bowpicker

The Impatient Chef is Spotted at The Bowpicker in 2020

The Impatient Chef is not above flogging a good thing to death and beyond, and as such brings you another installment in the Quest for the Best Fish and Chips (in the Pacific Northwest).  Always on the lookout for another place that locals recommend, The Bowpicker proved to be less than expected at first glance, and much more than expected at first mouthful.  I would tell you, dear reader, that I once saw a pair of teenage girls chase the Mightly Godzilla back into the Pacific Ocean when the creature had the temerity to attempt to steal some from them, but that would be an exaggeration.  

The Bowpicker is a food cart in Astoria, Oregon that sells one thing: Fish and Chips. This, as readers of this blog will attest, is right up The Impatient Chef’s alley. Food carts have become a big thing in the Pacific Northwest, offering good food at lower prices, and giving customers the opportunity to wait in line outside in Oregon’s fabled “good weather for ducks, but little else.” Some of The Impatient Chef’s favorite carts are:

• La Vaquita - Mosier, Oregon 
• The Gyro King - Wood Village, Oregon 
• Kasoy and Company - Gresham, Oregon 
• Sammy’s Smashburger - Fairview, Oregon 
• and, of course, The Bowpicker - Astoria, Oregon 

Known for lines stretching stretching to the end of the block, The Bowpicker sells tuna fish and chips from a converted boat on a trailer at the other end of the block. Those lines have led The Impatient Chef to find places that require less patience, one such instance led to the the happy discovery of the South Bay Wild Fish House, and some dreamy salmon and chips. When the line is less daunting, however, the Bowpicker becomes the destination. Beer battered tuna and steak fries are the objective, and cash is the means of delivery. Do not tender your credit card. No morsels will be forthcoming. 

The Catch (Cliché Intended)

The meal comes in a paper dish with tartar sauce and ketchup. It is an unassuming presentation, but it keeps the costs low. The 5-piece meal is $14.00 as of February 2024. The fish is flaky, delicious, and light. The use of tuna makes it special. Word on the street was that they use locally caught fresh tuna, but that has not been verified. The tartar sauce is less chunky than most places, but it is not cloyingly sweet. It is about right to add flavor, and not detract from the taste of the fish. The breading holds onto the fish nicely through the meal. The Impatient Chef has tasted offerings from less adept locales where the breading flakes off, falls off, slides off, or where the fish simply shoots out the other end of the breading on the first bite. The breading also does not have an unusual flavor. Some places want the diner to know that they thought really hard about making their fish and chips unique, captivating, full of herbs and exotic spices, and completely inedible. The Bowpicker will have none of that. Simplicity takes the ring. 

An aside: Another place The Impatient Chef had gushed upon, namely the Trillium Café in Hood River, Oregon, used tuna until a few years ago. It was with great sadness that The Impatient Chef reported on that change last year.

The fries were disappointing this time. In past visits, they have been excellent, but they seemed like they were cooked too far ahead. They were lukewarm, and had that doughy texture of fries that have sat too long. Ketchup saved the day, but it should not have to. The Impatient Chef will give them a mulligan this time, and hopefully next time they will be back up to their usual quality.

Stop by if you are in Astoria, which resides in the north Oregon coast where the Mighty Columbia River meets the Pacific Ocean — an area affectionately known as “the Armpit of the Pacific Northwest” due to its cold and damp climate. It is a climate best described by gothic, nineteenth century, women novelists who use words like "melancholy", "despair", and "dyspepsia".  Lewis and Clark named a spot just across the river '”Dismal Nitch” in recognition of the wonders of getting caught in a week-long November downpour while wearing early nineteenth century clothing. The Washington Department of Transportation, in a startling display of truth in advertising, later named a rest stop after it.

So, if you want some excellent fish and chips, come and visit, dress warm, bring an umbrella, buy the fish and chips, and run like hell back to the car.  Oh, and park down by the river to eat them.  

The Impatient Chef.

The Impatient Chef Fish and Chips Review - Fisherman's Korner Restaurant, Garibaldi, Oregon

The Impatient Chef loves Fish and Chips.  This is evidenced by the number of fish and chips reviews on this blog.  So, finding a new place to enjoy them is always a treat.  One such opportunity arose on July 9th in the small, coastal town of Garibaldi, Oregon, at a place called Fisherman's Korner.  

"Best Fish & Chips in Tillamook County"

The sign out front was a good omen, so we stepped inside. 

Bar Stools and All

The decor is 1960's and 1970's diner.  This is not a bad thing.  There have been some great meals served with little fanfare in such places.  The Impatient Chef has eaten quite a number of them (like Gracie's Sea Hag in Depoe Bay).  So, this looked promising.  The Oregon Coast boasts a shocking number of places that serve fish and chips.  Some of the best are in small, unassuming hole-in-the-walls, the foremost being The Bowpicker in Astoria (review coming soon), and some mediocre fare is served at expensive, trendy bistros.  

On to the review.

We ordered a cup of clam chowder to start.  

Clam Chowder

The chowder looked promising.  It was thick, but not too thick.  The clam flavor was, while not lacking, too muted, and there were too few clams and potatoes.  The thickener was at least partly corn starch, or some other alternative.  There may have been some roux in it, but it did not have that roux mouth feel.  All in all, it is serviceable.  It was not bad, and it did not have an unusual flavor.  I give it a 5 on the Gracie's Sea Hag Scale.

Next came the Fish and chips (we ordered the Halibut, Prawns and Chips).  

Halibut, Prawns and Chips

First, the tartar sauce: It was anemic, likely made of mayo and too little relish, and nothing else.  The saving grace was that it was a little too sweet.  

Next, the cole slaw:  Not too sweet.  The Impatient Chef normally steers clear of mayo plus sugar slaws, but this one was not bad.  

I used to make similar cole slaw in a small restaurant in Lebanon, PA at the age of 18, or so.  In fact, I was fired after making said slaw because the Hobart shredding attachment was dull, and it took me too long to make 200 pounds of it.  I didn't mention the dull attachment, so my replacement was likely fired too.

The Fish:

The fish was breaded, not battered.  The Impatient Chef does not prefer one over the other.  Both can be excellent, and both can be disappointing.  There was no old oil flavor.  The fish was fresh, moist, and flakey.  I can see why it got the People's Choice Award.  It is not a 10, but a respectable 7.  If you are traveling on Oregon's Hwy 101 through Garibaldi, and you are hankering for some fish and chips, keep this place on your list.  

Speaking of 10's and 7's.  Long time readers of this blog will note that the rating scale for fish and chips was known as the "Rose and Thistle Scale" due to that establishment having the best anywhere.  As I mentioned in a previous post, the Rose and Thistle recently changed its recipe.  While the new fare is good, it's not a 10, so a new benchmark is needed.  If you know of some astoundingly good fish and chips in the Pacific Northwest, please use the comment section to give me a heads up.  If they are good, they could be the namesake for the new scale.

   

The Prawns:

The prawns were the stars of this meal.  They were breaded like the fish, and they were not over fried, like is easy to do with prawns.  The cocktail sauce cold have used a little more horseradish, but that was not too much of a drawback.  They were flavorful, and delicious.  The Impatient Chef gives them a 9.

The Fries:

The fries were lightly breaded, but under fried.  While the outsides were crisp, and remained so through the meal, the insides were a little too mushy.  A little ketchup was necessary once they cooled a little.  They get a rating of 6.  

Overall rating:

The food matches the decor a little too well.  It is not adventurous, or standout.  The best word to describe it is "serviceable".  It will feed the masses, and they will leave happy, but it will not wow anyone.  You would not go wrong stopping by if you are passing through, but it's not worthy of a pilgrimage to bask in its deliciousness.  

Stay tuned for more reviews, and some more recipes.  Much cooking is afoot.  

Thanks for Reading!

--The Impatient Chef
    

Tacos in Paradise

Tacos in Paradise

About a year ago, I (and I do mean “I”. I am going to dispense with using The Impatient Chef in the third person schtick for this post because of the kind of prose I wish to present to the reader) wrote a post about a new, occasional series I wanted to do about take out food. The pandemic was getting worse, and there was no vaccine, so I decided to write about food carts and other take out food. Needless to say, this idea got lost in the shuffle due to, well, life. As in all things, one can only do so much.

Today, my wife and I were out in the Eastern Columbia Gorge, in the great state of Oregon, to pick up our wine club bottles at a place called “Idiot’s Grace Winery.” That IS its real name. Formerly known as Memaloose Winery, they have a tasting room just outside of Mosier, Oregon. They specialize in naturally fermented organic wines. If you are in the area, please do stop in to have a sip. While we were in the area, the familiar pangs of hunger gurgled up from the depths, and lunch proverbially called our names.

Downtown Mosier, Oregon

Downtown Mosier sits a stone’s throw south of I-84, along the Historic Columbia River Highway. They have a couple of restaurants, two food carts, a seasonal ice cream shop, and one of the geological wonders of the world: The Bingen Gap.

I called The Bingen Gap “The Mosier Gap” for a decade because that’s the first way I heard it. Besides, I like Mosier. In researching a book I am writing about the area, I discovered my error. At first, I thought, "you can have my Mosier Gap when you pry it from my cold, dead brain cells." However, that’s not, as it were, the scientific method. Correct information must drive out the incorrect, so it’s the Bingen Gap.

The Bingen Gap is an astounding collection of synclines and anticlines, heaved from the Earth by long ago volcanic convulsions, and scoured clean by successive Missoula Floods. These floods were at the tail ends of ice ages when massive reservoirs of water formed in the Rocky Mountains just wast of Missoula, Montana. Held in by ice dams, they reportedly carried 500 cubic miles of water. When the dams broke, they sent a 1,000 foot wall of water and ice down the Columbia Gorge, carrying in it the sum total of all the world’s rivers in one swell foop. Mosier was not there then, needless to say.

The exposed geology at Mosier includes the Mosier Syncline, which is at the low point of the formation, and the anticline that seemingly breaks into three pieces just to the west. Across the river is the Bingen Anticline, part of which is the Coyote Wall, reportedly one of the longest, exposed syncline/anticlines in the world.

Think of synclines and anticlines as waves of rock. The anticline is the crest of the wave, and the syncline is the way down, which is a good place to be hit by a Missoula flood.

The Bingen Gap at Mosier, Oregon

Mosier Geology

Moon and Mosier

The Coyote Wall

So, it was with a little trepidation that we moseyed (or was that meandered?) down into Mosier for some lunch. While watching for the next Missoula flood, I ordered 6 carnitas tacos from a food cart. The cart was called La Vaquita. It sits in the parking lot next to the Mosier Fruit Company (Mosier is regionally famous for its cherries), with a happy cow on its logo. From there, we drove along the HCRH as it pretzeled back up the hill to the east, and parked at a gravel overlook, where the Bingen gap was visible in all its glory.

The first thing I noticed was that they gave me enough of the “red sauce”.

I never get enough salsa from any Mexican restaurant, even when I ask for more.  This sauce is a cross between salsa and hot sauce.  It's savory, peppery, and has a bright, acidic mouth feel.  

The second thing I noticed was that the tacos were fabulous. We squeezed the limes all over the tacos, and applied a stream of red sauce down the middle of each. The meat was tender and spicy. The lettuce and cilantro were fresh, and the overall flavor was a sensory delight. The red sauce left my lips tingling for at least ten minutes after we were done with them. A little food cart in a small town with little car traffic made fresh, delicious tacos. They were probably the best I have had in years. 

6 Tacos Plus Red Sauce

I have been frequenting food carts for years, but I have done so increasingly as the pandemic has continued. I hope to be more diligent in providing readers with good places for take out food in the Pacific Northwest in the months to come. My true desire is for the pandemic to end, but viruses have a mindlessness of their own, and don’t tend to cooperate.

A personal note: I wanted to move to Mosier back in 2015, but fortune was not kind to that desire, and we moved into Hood River, which is 6 miles to the west. I could only stay for 4 years, because the commute to the Portland area turned out to be too long to do it every day, especially in the era of global warming, but it stands out as a high point for me.  While I did not get my first choice of hometowns, my second choice was a life-changing experience.  Living in the heart of the Columbia Gorge was like living in paradise.  

I hear the tacos are good there.

Thanks for reading!

Gary L. Quay —The Impatient Chef.

The Impatient Chef Clam Chowder (and Fish & Chips) Review: Gracie's Sea Hag in Depoe Bay, Oregon

In this episode, we set out to find New England Clam Chowder in its natural habitat: The Oregon Coast.  

Really, why the Oregon Coast? Why not, say, New England?  

The simple answer is that The Impatient Chef does not have that much rocket fuel, but the best reason is that The Impatient Chef really likes the Oregon Coast.  

You may ask why The Impatient Chef reviews specific foods in a restaurant instead of reviewing the whole restaurant.  First, (why do you ask so many questions?) The Impatient Chef doesn't pretend to be able to deduce the entire menu with a few visits.  Second, and more importantly, The Impatient Chef really likes certain foods, and quests after the finest versions within striking distance of home.  

These foods include:

• The Ruben Sandwich
• New England Clam Chowder
• Fish and Chips
• Sushi 
• Tempura
• Any dish containing shrimp (extra points for also including garlic).  

Which leads us to the main course of this review:

Chowder

(And a few other things)

Gracie's Chowder Rules the Oregon Coast from On High

The Impatient Chef was rudely interrupted in his review of Gracie's Sea Hag by a pandemic.  I'm certain that the details are superfluous, but let's just say here was a 2-year gap in visits that should have been just a few months.  

As readers of this blog already know, I use rating scales based on the best example of the food.  For fish and chips, it’s called the Rose & Thistle Scale, because that establishment (in Portland, Oregon) has the best ones I have ever had.  I felt that it was time create a scale for clam chowder.  After all, most places that serve fish and chips also serve clam chowder.  In getting ready for this quest, I tried a number of clam chowders throughout Oregon, and southern Washington.

Some notable chowders:

• Rogue Public House - Astoria, Oregon 
• The Baldwin Saloon - The Dalles Oregon 
• Tippy Canoe - Troutdale, Oregon (burned down in 2020 (insert sad, droopy emoji))
• The Local Grille - Cannon Beach - Oregon
• Bridge Water Bistro - Astoria, Oregon 

Some not so notable:

• McMenamins Highland Pub - Portland, Oregon 
• The Mesquitery - Hood River, Oregon (great flavor, but it was %$&#! tepid)

The quest took me to Depoe Bay, Oregon, home of the world’s smallest harbor, gray whales, orcas, and most importantly, Gracie’s Sea Hag. 

Gracie's Sea Hag has a reputation for serving excellent seafood with an atmosphere that has changed little since the 1970's.  You will find dark wooden paneling, stained glass, and sea themed photographs on the walls that have gone blue from exposure to light from the windows.

Like its decor, the Sea Hag serves no frills food that also has not changed very much over the years.  There is a nod to current trends like coconut prawns, or La Bouillabaisse, but the core is the traditional fish, and shellfish meals - chowder, deep fried everything, and salmon - that you remember from your childhood.  They do a really good job of it, though.

In the Spring of 2019, my wife and I drove to Depoe Bay, for the specific purpose of reviewing the Sea Hag's chowder, of which, I am happy to say, we were not strangers to.   

The soup comes with oyster crackers, as all must, and with melted butter on top along with a sprinkle of paprika.  The melted butter really is a special touch. You DO NOT eat New England Clam Chowder to lose weight, so stir the butter in, and enjoy it.  The texture is thick and creamy.  The taste has just the right amount of clam flavor.  You can tell that this stuff does not come from a carton or a can.  Soups thickened with a roux have that luxurious mouth feel, as this one does.  You can see other diners occasionally give that look - you know, eyes mostly closed, or rolled up in joy - like tasting a fine chocolate.   It's the real deal.  You could have bought it 50 years ago, and you're likely to be able to buy it 50 years from now.

One of the marks of a successful chowder is not needing to add salt or pepper.  The Sea Hag's chowder does not need anything.  It really hits all of the high notes.  The Impatient Chef highly recommends it, and hereby proclaims that the benchmark for clam chowders in future reviews will be the Sea Hag scale.  

The rest of the meal consisted of Shrimp & Chips, and Fish & Chips.

The shrimp, again, was very good.  The breading was crispy, with very little fryer oil taste, and the shrimp was not overdone.  If I had one complaint, it was that the cocktail sauce needed more horseradish.  

The Impatient Chef had the Fish & Chips.  Note that we got smaller portions on purpose.  Their normal serving is larger.  Like the shrimp, the breading was excellent, and the flavor was good.  The tarter sauce was very good, and not too sweet.

The fries were average.  They started out somewhat crispy, but did not fare well as they cooled.  They did not pass the salt test, which is that the fries are good enough to not require ketchup even as they cool, and the only seasoning necessary is salt.  

All and all, I gave it an 8 on the Rose & Thistle Scale. 

We traveled back to the Sea Hag in May, 2021, and the results were less consistent.  This was a little disappointing.  

We ordered the combination platter.  There was no change in the fries, tarter sauce, or shrimp, but the fish had changed, and not for the better.  The breading was light, and not crisp, and fell off easily.  The fish (cod) tasted very good, but it was let down by the breading.  This was odd, because the breading on the other items, shrimp, oysters, and scallops was very good.  I'm not sure how it happened.  The Fish & Chips part of the platter rated a 6 on the Rose & Thistle Scale.  The oysters were their usual, gamey selves.  The Impatient Chef refers to them as "Mutton of the Sea".  They are an acquired taste as long as you don't think about what you are eating.  The scallops were much cleaner tasting, and rather divine in the cocktail sauce (which could still use a little more horseradish), and the shrimp, well, the shrimp was as always excellent.  

Next, however, was a real treat: Deep Fried Pickles.

 

And these really were a treat. There was crunch on the pickle and crisp on the breading. The pickle was flavorful, tart, but not vinegary. The Ranch dressing not overpowering. The breading was crispy, and with very little oil flavor. The portion was just right. They were the best deep fried pickles I’ve had. If the fish had been given the same treatment, it would have maintained its rating of 8 on the Rose & Thistle Scale.  

If you are within striking distance, give Gracie's a try.  A 6 on the Rose & Thistle Scale is still not bad, but it's the chowder that wins the day.  It's the best on the Oregon Coast.  

The Impatient Chef Muses on The Joy of Takeout

Dr Pandemic, or:

How I Leaned to Stop Worrying and Love the Box.  

Thai Gravy Noodle

March 2020 was a month that will be talked about long after cockroaches inherit the Earth.  Be that as it may, The Impatient Chef would like to talk about it now.  Why, you might ask?  Simple.  With the movement from eat-in to takeout due to the pandemic, consuming food at restaurants has changed.  And with that, the types of food that I buy at a restaurant has changed.  Here are some examples:

There is a wonderful Lebanese restaurant in Gresham, Oregon with astoundingly delicious pita bread with each meal.  When the food switched to takeout, the bread was always hardened by the time I got it home.  When I get takeout there now, I don't order anything that requires the pita.  I also don't order soup.  It never goes well when it opens in the car.  With the opening of more restaurants in Oregon, getting out to support local business has become easier.  I'm amazed by the amount of money I have saved since March by doing more home cooking, but the need to get out more is growing.  

With this in mind, The Impatient Chef begins a series of reviews of takeout cuisine.  

We (my wife and I) were out and about in the eastern Columbia Gorge, where I love to roam to take pictures.  When the subject of lunch came up, we decided to hit the Burgerville (a surprisingly good burger chain in the pacific northwest), but when we arrived, there were 10 cars in the line.  What makes Burgerville good is that everything is cooked to order.  What makes burgerville great also makes a line of 10 cars intolerable.  A different locale was necessary.  We opted for a Thai restaurant called Montira's Thai Cuisine.  

We had been there many times before when we lived in Hood River, which is a lot closer.  This time, no inside seating was allowed.  There is a little park down by the Columbia River with a picnic table, which is where we decided to take the food.  The wait for food was about 15 minutes, which is not bad.  I ordered the Thai Gravy Noodle, and my wife ordered the Roasted Duck Curry.  

The picnic tables was a mess, so we sat on a low wall nearby.  

The Roasted Duck Curry has pineapple in it, so The Impatient Chef will pass on the review.  Don't get me wrong.  I like pineapple, just not in savory food.  I willingly had pineapple on pizza for the first time ever only last week (it was a BBQ pork pizza, and it wasn't bad despite the pineapple).  My wife said that the duck curry was good.  That's good enough for The Impatient Chef.

Roasted Duck Curry

The Thai Gravy Noodle had an excellent flavor.  I tasted it before adding the chili oil and the sriracha sauce, and noticed a slight smoky flavor, like the pork was grilled over fire.  After adding the hot stuff, the flavor changed dramatically, but it was okay.  The smokiness was still there.  I have one complaint:  The wide rice noodles stuck together more firmly than the flimsy plastic fork and spoon could handle.  It made the dish a little difficult to eat.  I assume that they stuck together due to the 10 minutes it took is to the to the park and open up the boxes.  

Thai Gravy Noodle

We usually get the appetizer "The Dalles Ring of Fire," but we passed on it this time.  It's 4 taquito-like sticks of melted cream cheese in a crispy cylinder, likely a wonton sheet, served with the fire sauce.  The fire sauce is not too spicy, but it's peppery and a little sweet.  

We've never had a bad meal there, and despite the pandemic, and eating in the park, we enjoyed it this time.  If you're in the area, stop in and give them a try. It's a great, locally owned restaurant struggling to stay open like all of the others in this pandemic.  

The Impatient Chef.