The Impatient Chef Presents: Rainy Day French Lunch Featuring Grilled Oysters

French Lunch?

Grilled Oysters on a rainy day?

Has the Impatient Chef lost his mind?

Yes.  But, that's another matter, because there are workarounds for those who don't have their grills under gazebos, but grilled oysters sound really yummy when the world is wet and cold.  

And, just how does The Impatient Chef achieve these workarounds?  He cheats.  This is not a perfect world, so perfection is unattainable, and delicious will suffice.  

The Cast Of Characters:

• 12 pre-shucked oysters from Washington State (see note at end)
• 1 baguette (we chose a salt/rosemary baguette from a local bakery)
• 2.5 oz Briar Rose Butterbloom Cheese, Dundee Oregon (brie by another name)
• 1 head Radicchio.

Serves 4

Ingredients:

Oysters

• 1 tbsp butter
• 1/4 tsp liquid smoke
• 1 pinch harissa powder

Radicchio dressing

• 2 oz shallot
• 1 large clove garlic
• 2 oz olive oil
• 1 oz white wine vinegar
• 1 tsp salt
• 1/2 tsp pepper
• 1/2 tsp dijon mustard
• 1 tsp honey

Directions:

Oysters

1. If you are not using pre-shucked oysters, shuck them now.  Remove the top shell.  Leave as much of the oyster liquor in the shells as possible.  
2. In a small pan, add butter and harissa.  Melt the butter over low heat.  When the harissa starts to sizzle, turn off the burner, and let sit for about a minute.  Add liquid smoke, and stir to combine.
3. Stir in smoke after removing from heat.
4. Pour small amounts on each oyster.
5. Broil on high on the top rack until they sizzle, and about a minute more to make sure that they are done all the way through. 

Pre-Broil Oysters  

Radicchio

1. Make dressing in food processor.  I use a mini version that spins the blades very fast.  This gives me an instant emulsion, so no separation occurs.  

   

   The Little Monster

2. Brush the dressing onto radicchio. 

   

   Brushing on the Dressing

3. Broil until lightly charred with the cut side up.
4. Serve with sliced baguette and some brie.  

Notes on pre-shucked oysters.  

These will never be as fresh as ones that you shuck yourself. Those who cannot get live oysters, or who fear impaling their hands with the shucking knife can avoid doing this task at home, but the taste will never be quite what you can get if you do the deed just before broiling.

Lead photo by Gary Quay

All others by Gaia S. Quay.

 

The Impatient Chef Cocktail Recipe: The Kodachrome Memorial Cocktail

Kodachrome Memorial Cocktail

Why make a Kodachrome Memorial Cocktail? As many of you know, The Impatient Chef moonlights as Gary Quay who also moonlights as Gary Quay Photography (or is it the other way around?). A staunch devote of film photography, I have watched film stocks dwindle to a trickle since around 2005 as many great emulsions left the market. Kodachrome was the first true color slide film, and as documented by none other than Paul Simon.

"Kodachrome
They give us those nice bright colors
They give is the greens of summers
Makes you think all the world's a sunny day, oh yeah
I got a Nikon camera
I love to take a photograph
So mama don't take my Kodachrome away."

For me, the loss of Kodachrome was like the loss of Pete Seeger, or David Bowie. I had never known a world without them. They were iconic, and widely loved. So, when the last roll was developed in 2011, I came up with the idea for a Kodachrome Memorial Cocktail.

Why did it take so long? Remember those nice bright colors? That's why. I wanted the cocktail to be clear, and bright. I did not want to use vodka because the drink needed flavor. Above all, it had to have a hint of purple. My first attempts were less than stellar. Some ended up gray as different colors ganged up to defeat my Prime Directive. Some tasted awful. I tried off and on, for a couple of years, and then abandoned the pursuit as an impossibility.

In 2020, in the midst of the Covid-19 pandemic, I had a splash of inspiration. I had been trying to make purple out of a combination of red and blue liquors. I had the answer all along in my cabinet: Parfait Amor. It's a purple liquor that has a sweet, orange flavor. I needed the right gin, a bittering agent to cut down on the sweetness, and maybe an apéritif to give it some balance.

The right gin.

Oregon has had a vibrant craft liquor industry for over a decade.  These three Oregon gins will work in this cocktail:

• Joe Penney's Gin by McMennamin's Edgefield 
• Elk Rider by Heritage Distilling Co.
• Ransom Dry Gin

This cocktail requires a gin with some flavor, but not a Genever, or an Old Tom.  Use ONLY one of the 3 gins mentioned above.  I can't vouch for it with other gins.  

You must use a gin from the list above for this drink. It really does not work with a light gin like New Amsterdam, or Hendrick's. You could get away with using Tanqueray, or Beefeaters, but you would need to add a few dashes of orange bitters, and some of the magic would be lost.

The Impatient Chef Presents: The Kodachrome Memorial Cocktail.

3 oz Gin (Portland Dry)
1/2 oz Parfait Amour (Marie Brizard)
1 oz Lillet Blanc
8 drops citrus bitters (Bitterman's Hopped Grapefruit Bitters works best)
Stir with ice.
Garnish with a lemon twist.

The impatient Chef makes big cocktails. You can cut this one in half if you desire.

The Studio Setup.  

Note on the lens onto which the cocktail is placed:  It's a Voigtlander Euryscop Portrait lens, made in the sometime between 1888 and 1898.  

Thanks for reading!

--The Impatient Chef

The Impatient Chef Writes a Poem

I haven't written a poem for a few years, but I had a the inspiration a while ago,  I sat on the idea for this one for a while, and then worked on it slowly.  I think it's finished.  So, The Impatient Chef presents...

Whackety Chop

Winter wind swirls at the country cafe

With tall trees in the back, a parking lot, 

And a chicken coop full of laying hens, 

Making breakfast for the regulars.

She twirls in the kitchen while raindrops ,like

Bumble bees at full speed, splat on the windows.

With two spatulas she makes omelets, 

Whackety chop, clanging on the hot grill.

“Order up!” she calls out above the noise.

The trees bend, morning regulars murmur.

The roof creaks.  Hens squawk.  Eyes wide as the storm.  

A fox is near, nose points to the hen house.

He is wet.  And so cold.  The hens are dry.  

Lightning sizzles.  She cracks eggs in a bowl,

She beats them with a fork, swirling like leaves.

Whackety chop.  Eggs on the grill, ham

Hash browns, bacon, biscuits, chicken fried steak.  

“Order up!” she calls above the plates.

The hens lay eggs, and lay more tomorrow.

 Pigs are fully committed to the meal.

Their smells intermingle on the hot grill, 

And with coffee with cream, and some sugar.

Eyes glow in the cafe window’s soft light.

The wind howls so that the fox won’t have to. 

The coop roof lifts off, and sails through the storm, 

The chickens look up, understanding ham.  

The Impatient Chef Recipe: Super Speedy Greek Linguini

 

The Impatient Chef is, of course, impatient when supper is needed, and the day was spent not thinking about supper. Quickly throwing something delicious together is a necessity.  I raided the fridge, and formulated a plan.  I found a container of cooked linguini, and a bag of mushrooms.  The rest could have cooked itself.  Note: the amount of linguini is not given in internationally recognized quantities.

Ingredients:

• 2 large handfuls Linguini (pre-cooked and stored in water)
• 10 medium sized Crimini Mushrooms, halved stem to stern, and then sliced.  
• 20 Kalamata Olives
• 1 can Artichoke Hearts (packed in water,  not the marinated kind)
• Crumbled Feta Cheese
• 1 oz Parmesan Cheese, shredded
• 1/4 cup Olive Oil (more if necessary to coat all noodles)
• 5 cloves garlic, sliced thin widthwise
• Salt 
• Freshly ground Pepper

Directions:

1. Drain linguini.  If you don't have pre-cooked linguini (what's wrong with you?) cook the whole pack, drain, run it under cold water, and then separate the 2 large handfuls.  This recipe feeds 2 people, so use that amount.  Let the pasta drain while preparing the rest.  It should go into the pan with as little moisture in the surface as possible so it won't stick.  
2. Slice the mushrooms and garlic.  Quarter the artichoke hearts lengthwise.  Note on the artichoke hearts:  The Impatient Chef like Trader Joes' packed in water Artichoke Hearts.  Napoleon (not the general) has a similar product.  Packed in water is crucial for this recipe.  
3. Shred the parmesan cheese, and crumble the feta.  
4. Heat up a large iron skillet.  When a few drops of water evaporate within a few seconds, it's ready to use.  Add the olive oil, and then the mushrooms.  Sauté them, stirring often, until soft, and that pleasant mushroom smell is emanating from the pan.  Add the garlic, and stir constantly for about a minute.  You don't want the garlic to brown.  Add the artichoke hearts, and kalamata olives.  Cook until warmed.  You can add the olives later if you want.  My wife does not like them, so I add them when I add the feta.  
5. Add salt and pepper.  Stir for another 30 seconds.  I used about 1/2 tsp of salt, and about a teaspoon pepper.  This dish thrives on proper application of pepper.  It's okay to leave a little out at this point, and add more later to taste.  Remember the total amount that you use, and use that amount in this step the next time you make this dish.  Getting the pepper taste into the oil is important.  The oil is what carries the flavor in this dish.   
6. Add the noodles, and turn them constantly until they are warmed.  I used a pair of tongs to mix the ingredients into the noodles, and to turn them while they warmed.  Why start with cold noodles?  Other than that's what I started with, I think that they get more time to absorb the flavors.  
7. Add the parmesan cheese, and keep the noodles moving until it is melted.
8. Serve with crumbled feta cheese.  

Enjoy!

--The Impatient Chef

The Impatient Chef Recipe: Syracuse Salt Potatoes

Surely everyone puts a little salt on their potatoes, right? 

What sets these little flavor bombs off from ye olde basic spuds with a little salt and butter on them is entirely a matter of the cooling method.  

Oh, wait...  There are a few other considerations.  

1. The quality of your water.  If your local water turns your sink green, or smells like you could do your white wash in it, filter it, or buy it.  
2. Use Kosher salt.  Iodized salt has a slight metallic taste.  
3. Don't even consider using margarine.  Butter is your friend, unless you are a vegan. Then you can use margarine (The Impatient Chef spent 17 years as a vegetarian, so he understands).
4. Don't break the skins of the potatoes.  I mean it.  

Ingredients:

• 2 pounds New, or Fingerling potatoes.  The smaller the better.   I like to get the mixed potatoes that have red, white and purple.
• 2 ounces kosher salt

Directions:

1. Use a wide cooking pot that is deep enough to give at least an inch or two of water under the potatoes.  Add the water, spuds, and salt, and turn it onto high heat.  Bring to a boil, stirring occasionally.  You should notice the potatoes floating a little higher in the water.  This is due to the amount of salt.  Once it is boiling, cover and reduce heat.  
2. Cook for 20 to 25 minutes, stirring occasionally.
3. DON'T PRICK THEM TO SEE HOW DONE THEY ARE.  I mean it.  If you do, you must not return the one you pricked back into the water until step 5.  This means that if it isn't done, too bad.  The point of keeping the skins whole is so that too much salt will not get inside.
4. Once they are done, pour most of the water off of the potatoes, leaving about 1/4" to 1/2" of water in the pan (along with the potatoes).
5. Turn the burner to medium high, and cook off the rest of the water, stirring the spuds, or shaking them around in the pan.  Keep them moving until the water is gone.  
6. Serve with melted butter.  

These babies are like tiny balloons of mashed potatoes.  Enjoy the heck out of them. 

The Impatient Chef Muses on The Joy of Takeout

Dr Pandemic, or:

How I Leaned to Stop Worrying and Love the Box.  

Thai Gravy Noodle

March 2020 was a month that will be talked about long after cockroaches inherit the Earth.  Be that as it may, The Impatient Chef would like to talk about it now.  Why, you might ask?  Simple.  With the movement from eat-in to takeout due to the pandemic, consuming food at restaurants has changed.  And with that, the types of food that I buy at a restaurant has changed.  Here are some examples:

There is a wonderful Lebanese restaurant in Gresham, Oregon with astoundingly delicious pita bread with each meal.  When the food switched to takeout, the bread was always hardened by the time I got it home.  When I get takeout there now, I don't order anything that requires the pita.  I also don't order soup.  It never goes well when it opens in the car.  With the opening of more restaurants in Oregon, getting out to support local business has become easier.  I'm amazed by the amount of money I have saved since March by doing more home cooking, but the need to get out more is growing.  

With this in mind, The Impatient Chef begins a series of reviews of takeout cuisine.  

We (my wife and I) were out and about in the eastern Columbia Gorge, where I love to roam to take pictures.  When the subject of lunch came up, we decided to hit the Burgerville (a surprisingly good burger chain in the pacific northwest), but when we arrived, there were 10 cars in the line.  What makes Burgerville good is that everything is cooked to order.  What makes burgerville great also makes a line of 10 cars intolerable.  A different locale was necessary.  We opted for a Thai restaurant called Montira's Thai Cuisine.  

We had been there many times before when we lived in Hood River, which is a lot closer.  This time, no inside seating was allowed.  There is a little park down by the Columbia River with a picnic table, which is where we decided to take the food.  The wait for food was about 15 minutes, which is not bad.  I ordered the Thai Gravy Noodle, and my wife ordered the Roasted Duck Curry.  

The picnic tables was a mess, so we sat on a low wall nearby.  

The Roasted Duck Curry has pineapple in it, so The Impatient Chef will pass on the review.  Don't get me wrong.  I like pineapple, just not in savory food.  I willingly had pineapple on pizza for the first time ever only last week (it was a BBQ pork pizza, and it wasn't bad despite the pineapple).  My wife said that the duck curry was good.  That's good enough for The Impatient Chef.

Roasted Duck Curry

The Thai Gravy Noodle had an excellent flavor.  I tasted it before adding the chili oil and the sriracha sauce, and noticed a slight smoky flavor, like the pork was grilled over fire.  After adding the hot stuff, the flavor changed dramatically, but it was okay.  The smokiness was still there.  I have one complaint:  The wide rice noodles stuck together more firmly than the flimsy plastic fork and spoon could handle.  It made the dish a little difficult to eat.  I assume that they stuck together due to the 10 minutes it took is to the to the park and open up the boxes.  

Thai Gravy Noodle

We usually get the appetizer "The Dalles Ring of Fire," but we passed on it this time.  It's 4 taquito-like sticks of melted cream cheese in a crispy cylinder, likely a wonton sheet, served with the fire sauce.  The fire sauce is not too spicy, but it's peppery and a little sweet.  

We've never had a bad meal there, and despite the pandemic, and eating in the park, we enjoyed it this time.  If you're in the area, stop in and give them a try. It's a great, locally owned restaurant struggling to stay open like all of the others in this pandemic.  

The Impatient Chef.  

The Impatient Chef Mocktail Recipe: The Pink Paradise

As some of you may know, The Impatient Chef looooves cocktails, especially ones containing gin and olives.  Love of, and the consumption of, cocktails is in the finest American tradition of getting one's wit lubricated when the need strikes.  The trouble occurs when the need strikes too often, and doctors start wagging fingers, and talking about blood sugar levels.  Mortality being the harsh mistress that it is, and diabetes being the mother of prevention, the martini had to take the back seat to other drinks.  I still have the occasional martini, daiquiri, margarita, etc on weekends (one per day maximum), but for the work week, no alcohol may be consumed.  

Enter: The Mocktail. 

A mocktail is essentially a non-alcoholic cocktail.  The trick is to obtain complexity and deliciousness while following a different treasure map, one where there is no gin or rum at the spot marked 'X'.  This can be tricky.  I started out with variations on the gin and tonic, substituting bitters and simple syrup for the gin.  To my surprise, it worked nicely.  That recipe will be forthcoming in the near future.  Until then, The Impatient Chef is pleased to present:

The Pink Paradise.  

Why pink, you ask?  Surely a man's drink isn't pink.  

The Impatient Chef doesn't care.  It's pink.  Get over it.  

Here goes;

• 1 oz fresh lemon juice
• 1/2 oz simple syrup
• 1/2 oz grenadine
• 4 dashes orange bitters
• 3 dashes Boker's bitters (you can substitute Angostura, but it won't be as good)
• 4 oz seltzer.

I use a fairly large cocktail glass, and it fits.  

Add everything but the seltzer into a cocktail shaker with ice.  Shake vigorously.  Open the shaker, pour in the seltzer.  Swirl for a few seconds, and strain into a chilled cocktail glass.  You can add more seltzer if desired.  

Enjoy.  

--The Impatient Chef.