The Impatient Chef: A Very Fried Thanksgiving

Update:  Do not try this at home.  This recipe is not ready for Prime Time.  The Impatient Chef leaves it on the internet entirely to make fun of it in newer posts.  

When Thanksgiving approaches every year, I find myself searching for a way to subvert the turkey paradigm.  Sometimes I give in, and just make the bird that I’m expected to bake, but this year, as the days grew shorter, and the upcoming cooking marathon began to weigh on my expectations, I found myself searching for a way to pop the culinary balloon.  In the immortal words of The Grinch, “But, how?”

There is a grocery store in Hood River, Oregon called Roseaur’s.  It’s ye olde basic mass of shelves and aisles where the big name brands make a play for domination of stomachs everywhere.  However, it is set apart by three things: 1. It’s in the town where the Pacific Northwest and Paradise meet; 2. it has a decent natural foods section; and 3. an honest to goodness meat counter.  It was at that meat counter that the inspiration hit me.

“Do you have any duck?”

Next thing you know…

“Congratulations, Mr. Impatient Chef, it’s a duck.”

Now, what to do with it. One can’t just bake it, or...

FRY IT! Of course!

I opted for steaming it prior to frying, on the suggestion of my wife, based on Alton Brown’s buffalo wing’s technique. This would render the meat less fatty after frying.

You will need the following things:

• A fryer.  A dutch oven will suffice.
• Oil.  Preferably peanut oil
• A duck (but I mentioned that before)
• Breading (I used panko)
• 1 tbsp Thyme
• 1 tbsp Parsley, chopped
• 1 tbsp Rosemary, chopped
• Salt
• Pepper
• 2 eggs
• 1/4 cup flour
• 1/4 cup corn flour
• 1 cup panko (spicy if you dare).

First, dismember the bird. Save all of the parts that aren’t breasts, thighs, drumsticks, and wings for the broth. Second, place the pieces to be fried into a steamer kettle. Steam for about 15 minutes, removing the smaller pieces after 10 minutes. Reserve the steaming water in the pot.

Place the steamed duck on a sheet pan, and refrigerate for at least an hour. Put all of the remaining duck parts in the steaming water. Cover with more water, and simmer, covered. This will become gravy later. Meanwhile, prepare the breading. Lay out three bowls.

I added a tbsp locally-made seasoning to the Panko. You can add what you desire, or just use it as is.

  

Remove the skin from the duck pieces. It’s difficult to get it off of the wings, so you can skip that.  

Remove the bones from the breasts. Cover the duck pieces in the flour mixture, then the egg, and then roll them in the panko. Place them on a sheet pan. let them sit for at least 20 minutes.

Now would be a good time to start heating the oil. I heat it to 350 degrees.

Give the simmering duck trimmings as long as you can, but you will need at least 20 minutes to reduce it, more it you have time. Prepare mashed potatoes, a veg or two, or whatever else you want to eat with the duck.

Strain the duck broth, let it sit for a few minutes, and strain the fat off of the top. Add it back to the pan, and boil to reduce.

Fry the duck.

Okay, I added a couple mushrooms.

When the duck has an internal temperature of 135 to 140 degrees, remove it from the oil. Cover with a paper towel.

       Serve.

The Impatient Chef Stops by South Bay Wild Fish House, Astoria, Oregon

In these last years before the roaring twenty twenties, The Impatient Chef has embarked on the Quest for Fish and Chips at various times and places.  This undertaking has continued apace, although I have not been posting as much lately.  Some of you will recall that I began this blog with the following words:

“And on the seventh day God created fish and chips, and there was much rejoicing.  And God did say unto to the fry cook make them golden brown and crispy, not soggy or cakey.  The heavenly host seated customers on high, and the strumpets made cooing noises.  And then God spake, ‘Go ye fry cooks and cut potatoes lengthwise, and baptize them in hot oil.  Get them not from the freezer.  Get them not from Food Services of Judea, lest ye be unto snail dung in my sight.  Fryeth them likewise to a golden brown, and resteth them with the fish upon the crinkly paper in the plastic basket.  God looked upon his lunch and sayeth he, Let there be tartar sauce.  Let it not be too sweet, or I shall afflict thee with a plague of hipsters.  Instead, with thy mayonnaise and relish, add lemon, and maybe dill, and a dash of the heavenly green Tabasco sauce, and thou shalt dwell in the kingdom of the lunch counter, on this, our greasy spoon of paradise.’

Amen.”

All sacrilege aside,  this is still a quest worth undertaking.  And with that, I bring you my newest fish and chips review: the South Bay Wild Fish House in Astoria, Oregon.  

The Cap'n and Crew

South Bay Wild is located in Astoria’s historic downtown.  As the first American settlement west of the Rockies (not counting the natives who were already here), there’s quite a bit of history, mostly involving fish, canneries, the (very suggestive) Astoria Column https://astoriacolumn.org, and the Columbia River Bar.  

The Columbia River Bar is not a fine drinking establishment where locals drink away the fishy odor.  No, it is instead the place where the Columbia River and the pacific Ocean meet, and they are not on friendly terms.  In bad weather (most of the time), they can become downright testy.  In years gone by, the Bar ate ships like jelly beans, but in this day of oceangoing zip codes, not so much.  Although, occasionally, rescues are necessary.  

South Bay has a clean, friendly, if sparse, atmosphere.  The walls have the prerequisite nautical theme, but it isn’t kitschy, or sentimental.  Only a few of its decorations washed in from the ocean.  A sign over the doorway to the lower dining room (there's one upstairs too) reads, “Not all those who wander are lost.”  Any restaurant that quotes JRR Tolkien is okay by me.  

The Lower Dining Room at South Bay

The waitstaff are sometimes also the cooks, and they are helpful, and attentive.  They checked up on us  (my wife and I) 4 times after the meal was served.  I didn’t find it distracting, or needy.  

We started with the clam chowder, as one must, before the fish and chips.  The cup of soup arrived with oyster crackers, and on a saucer with a doily.  The consistency was not thick, but it was not runny either.  It was made using a roux - a good, honest, no frills roux made of butter and flour - and not guar gum, or corn starch.  I don’t have to ask.  I can tell.  This soup hit all of the high points: diced potatoes; bits of clam; a mildly clammy taste; and no need to add anything.  Some clam chowders cry out for salt and pepper, or have funny tastes.  The best clam chowders all work within the bounds of the basic recipe, like a poet finds creativity in a sonnet, to create the best chowders.  South Bay Wild’s chowder is worthy.  I give it an 8 on the Sea Hag Scale (readers will note that I base my 1 to 10 scales on the places where I have had the best of a given dish.  For clam chowder, that is Gracie’s Sea Hag in Depoe Bay, Oregon).  

Next came the main course.  The fish and chips are appetizing to look at.  

The Main Course

The breading is golden, and crisp, as are the fries.  I got the sole, which the server said was the most popular.  

So, here goes:

The fish:  the breading has no oil taste, which means that they keep their fryer clean, and don’t overuse their oil.  I’ve tasted fish and chips where the dominant flavor is the oil, and that’s not good.  At South Bay, that was not a concern.  At first taste, the fish was fresh, and not too fishy (an oxymoron, I know).  I like the taste of fish, but if it tastes fishy, it’s usually old.  The types of fish used for fish and chips tends to be on the lighter side: cod, halibut, sole, and rock fish, so it’s easy to tell how fresh it is.  The one complaint I have is that the breading falls apart with the first bite.  It reminds me of a gluten free breading.  I have nothing against that.  They can be delicious.  However, when served in a metal basket like this on top of the fries, it’s hard to eat when the breading disintegrates.  I ended up repurposing a napkin as a plate.

The tartar sauce:  Good, and not too sweet.  They used a quality mayo, and the right amount of other ingredients.  I was into the second fillet before I remembered to rate the sauce, so there was nothing in it to throw off the flavor.  

The Fries:  Crisp, and delicious.  They pass the Salt Test, whereby they are just fine with only salt from beginning to end.  I can add ketchup if I want to, but I don’t have to.  

The Coleslaw:  This was the only unusual part of the meal.  The cabbage had an unusual business partner: sliced olives.  It also tasted fermented.  I asked the cook, and she said that it was a 24-hour marinade.  I liked it.  It wasn’t cloyingly sweet like some coleslaws, but the unusual flavor was hard to get used to at first.  

Overall Rating:  I give South Bay Wild a 9 on the Rose and Thistle Scale.  If you are Passing through Astoria, give this place a try.  The service will snag you by the mouth, and the food will set the hook.  

The Impatient Chef.  

Blue Grits and Ham with Red-eye Gravy

My take on a popular southern breakfast.

Ingredients:

• 1 tablespoon butter
• 1/2 cup chopped fatty ham scraps (substitute with more butter if necessary)
• 2 (3/8 inch thick) slices ham, cubed
• salt and freshly ground black pepper to taste
• 1/8 teaspoon cayenne pepper, or to taste
• 1 tablespoon all-purpose flour (add more if necessary to make roux)
• 2/3 cup brewed coffee
• 1 cup white or blue corn grits (I prefer Anson Mills Antebellum blue or white grits)

Directions:

1. Cook grits by package instructions.  Anson Mills’ directions can be found on their web site.  
2. Heat oil in a medium skillet over medium heat. Cook and stir ham scraps until browned, about 5 minutes. If you don’t have the ham scraps, substitute 3 tbsp butter.  Remove to a plate, reserving the grease in the pan.
3. Place ham cubes in the pan and cook over medium heat until browned, about 5 minutes. Season with salt, black pepper, and cayenne pepper. 
4. Reduce heat to medium-low and sprinkle flour over the pan drippings and ham cubes. Cook and stir for 2 minutes. Increase heat to medium-high and pour in coffee into the pan. Cook and stir until combined and thickened. Season to taste. Serve over grits.  

Adapted from Allrecipes.com