Friday, December 26, 2025

The Impatient Chef Presents: A Childhood Treat - Mini Pizzas

Mini Pizzas


The Impatient Chef remembers being served these by his mother, and understood it as the childhood equivalent of winning the lottery. They are simple, delicious, cheap, and gloriously low brow. You must at some point feed them to your offspring. They will remember them, and you, fondly forever.

The recipe that follows is more of a method than an actual recipe because your brood size may differ. You will need the following:

Ingredients:

  • English muffins (get the cheap ones)
  • Butter
  • Provolone cheese, sliced
  • Mozzarella cheese, sliced or shredded
  • Parmesan cheese (it can be the grated stuff in the plastic containers)
  • Tomato Sauce, canned
  • Garlic powder
  • Oregano
  • Basil
  • Salt pepper
  • All beef hot dogs, sliced about 1/4" thick

You will need a broiler pan and a toaster oven. A cookie sheet and a regular oven will suffice.

Directions:


Slice the muffins. 
 
Butter them, and sprinkle on garlic powder to taste. You are essentially making garlic bread at this point. Move the oven rack to the top. Set the oven to broil, and turn it on. Put them under the boiler until they are golden brown, and then remove them from the oven.


Preheat your oven to 450º.

Next, sprinkle on parmesan cheese. Tear the provolone into pieces, and lay it on top of the muffins. This layer of provolone is supposed to keep the muffins dry, so cover them as completely as possible.

Add the sliced hot dogs over the provolone.  This may seem opposite the usual, but it's another way to keep the muffins dry.  And, because The Impatient Chef remembers it that way (dammit).


Mix the oregano, basil, salt, pepper and a little more garlic powder into the tomato sauce. Use as much as you feel comfortable with. Remember that this is a pizza, so the oregano flavor should be more pronounced than the basil. The ratio of oregano vs. basil should be about 2:1. Spoon the sauce over the hot dogs.  You want to cover the dogs, but leave some room at the edges.


Sprinkle a little more oregano over the sauce, and add the mozzerella cheese. You can use shredded, or do what The Impatient Chef did on this occasion, slice it and rend it asunder. Lay it over the sauce.


Bake until the mozzarella starts getting brown spots.

 

Serve.  Bask in the adulation from your brood.  After the kids have moved out, make them for yourselves.

Notes on the pictures: They are ugly. Deal with it. The Impatient Chef does not have a studio with perfect lighting and he plans on eating the food while it is still hot.

--The Impatient Chef

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The Impatient Chef Presents: A Childhood Treat - Mini Pizzas

Mini Pizzas The Impatient Chef remembers being served these by his mother, and understood it as the childhood equivalent of winning the lott...