The Impatient Chef Recipe: Ground Beef Tacos.

The Impatient Chef Recipe: Ground Beef Tacos!

As a rule, The Impatient Chef is impatient, and prefers to buy taco shells from a local natural food store.  Every rule is meant to be broken, however, and everything must be tried at least once (in case it's really good).  I had heard that home made taco shells were the cat's meow, so when I found blue corn masa at a farmers market at Portland's venerable People's Co-Op, I took the plunge.

Ground Beef Taco

A diversion first... 

Previous experiences with phographing foods for this blog in my dimly lit, cluttered kitchen were somewhat less than enjoyable, and somewhat more than frustrating.  I will leave choice words to your imagination.  For this project, I needed a better lighting setup.  My studio strobes are way to big for such a small area, so I found a used set of smaller strobes, and, along with a pair of umbrellas and stands that I've carried to location shoots over the years, a new studio was born.  

Yup, it's still cluttered.

The paint splatters on the right umbrella were from a shoot that I did years ago with a nekked model flinging paint at a 6-foot canvas (No, you can't see it.  This blog is family friendly).  

With this setup, I should be able to get better pictures of the food and the preparation.  

I will remind readers that this is a working kitchen.  My cast iron pans date back to the 1800's, and I don't scrub the bottoms of my stainless steel.  The Impatient Chef has a day job, and a photography business on the side.  

The one disappointment about this house is that the kitchen was designed for folks who eat elsewhere.  There is no pantry, very little cabinet space, and cetainly not enough room for adventurous cooks (considering that the dining and living rooms also occupy the same space).  We have made do, but if you are expecting Harriet Nelson's prim and proper kitchen, you will be disappointed.  We keep it clean enough to eat off of, but there ain't no room for the stuff.

To the Recipe!

Things to do ahead:  

1.  Cube a large tomato.  

2.  Slice a few leaves of romaine lettuce into ribbons.  

3.  Make or buy your favorite salsa.

4.  Make sure you have sour cream.

5.  Slice a lime or two into wedges.  

Keep these things in the refrigerator until ready to serve.  

Things to keep in mind:

1.  The Impatient Chef likes spicy food.  Your mileage may vary.

2.  These recipes aren't emblazoned on stone tablets by an ancient god.

3.  The Impatient Chef isn't above thievery (with attribution, of course).

Which Brings Us To...

Blue Corn Tortillas.  

Recipe coutesy of Isabel Eats.  

I had never made these before, so I needed to start somewhere. These seemed simple enough.  

Ingredients:

8 oz blue corn masa*

1 1/2 cups hot water, plus more if necessary.

1/2 teaspoon sea salt (I use kosher salt)

*The original recipe on Isabel Eats didn't specify blue corn, but The Impatient Chef loves colorful flavors.  Masa is starting to show up in natural food stores such as Whole Foods, and even some supermarket chains.  Soon, Trader Joe's may even carry it, if they don't already.  You can get it online if you must.  The Impatient Chef is waaaaaay too impatient to make his own masa.  Another change that I made was to weigh the masa.  Using weights rather than measures makes cooking with any kind of grain easier.

Adding the water

Directions:

In a large bowl, mix the salt and masa together.

Pour 1 1/2 cups of hot water (I fired up my tea kettle for the occasion) into the mixture, and mix with a spoon at first, and then by hand as it cools a little to form a big ball.  The dough should be firm, and springy when touched, and not dry, or super sticky.  If the mixture is too dry, and it needs some more water, add it in small amounts until the dough is the right consistency.

Cover the bowl with a cloth napkin, and let the dough rest for about an hour.

Pause the tortilla recipe.  We'll return to it in a bit.

While your masa ball is resting, it's time to make the taco meat.  You want to time the completion of the taco meat to be about the same time as it takes your dough ball to rest.

The Taco Meat Recipe!

The Usual Suspects

Ingredients:

1 pound ground beef (not the lean type; you need the fats)
1 medium red bell pepper, diced
3 jalepeno peppers, diced (remove the seeds and membrane for sensitive palates; adventurous types can leave them in.)
1 Cubanelle pepper, diced (or another mild, green pepper other than a green bell pepper if you can't find cubanelles)
1/2 bulb garlic (crushed while laughing maniacally)  
1/2 medium onion, diced
3 scallions (optional), chop the oniony bits off, and reserve the rest.  
2 tbsp bacon grease or grapeseed oil
Salt to taste, both coarse sea salt, and kosher salt.
1/4 cup ground cumin (yes, that much)
1 tbsp ground, dried aleppo pepper
1 tbsp red chili powder
freshly ground pepper
A good handfull of fresh parsley or cilantro (about 1/4 cup rough chopped), and the same amount of fresh chives.  
Corn, about a half cup freshly cut off of the cob, but pre-cooked (optional)

Directions:

Melt the bacon grease in a large skillet or cast iron pan with the burner set just on the high side of medium.  My stove has numbers 1 through 10.  I use 6.  Add the peppers and onion (aromatics).  

Sautee until the onions are translucent, and the peppers are soft.

While the aromatics are cooking, rough chop the garlic, parsley (or cilantro), and chives.  Use a mortar and pestle with a good-sized pinch of coarse sea salt to crush them.  You want to release the oils in the herbs.  The salt is used to help grind the garlic and herbs as well as to season the dish.  

Once the aromatics are sauteed, add the spices, and continue to sautee for another minute.  You may have to add more oil if the mixture is too dry.  You don't want too much, though, because the hamburger will add a little more fat to the party.  Then, move everything to the outer edge of the pan, and add the hamburger.  Use a flat-tipped wooden spoon to chop it up as fine as you want it as it cooks.  Then, stir everything together, and cook until the ground beef is done.

Add the Meat, and Chop, Chop, Chop!

When the meat is chopped up, start heating the griddle (or large frying pan), and in between stirring, start forming the masa dough into golf ball-sized balls.  I got eleven this time.  You should be able to get twelve out of it. 

When the hamburger is just about cooked through, add the herb and garlic mixture to the pan, stir, and cook for an additional minute.  Add the corn if desired at this point as well.  

Turn the heat to low.  

Press the Masa dough balls into tortillas.  Use wax paper in between the press plates to make the tortillas easier to release.  

Gently remove the flattened masa from the wax paper, and cook on the hot griddle for 30 seconds to 1 minute, depending on how hot the griddle is.  You want the tortilla to have some brown marks on it. 

Flip the tortilla over, and cook on the other side for another 30 seconds to 1 minute.  The tortilla may start to puff up in the middle.   That's okay.

Remove the tortilla from the griddle, and place it between a cloth or tortilla warmer to keep it warm.  Repeat until the dough balls are gone.  

Serve by placing some lettuce, and chopped scallion ends onto the tortilla, add a small amount of the meat mixture, and place a few strategically located cubes of tomatoes on top, followed by salsa and sour cream.  A wedge of lime finishes the plate. 

Served

I'm still working on the photography part of this.  I''m suddenly feeling in awe of the people who make this look easy, and good. 

The Impatient Chef Recipe: Southern Red Beans and Rice

Red Beans and Rice is a staple of the south, especially around Louisiana.  I decided to try my hand at it.  The cooking went nothing like the recipe used said it would, so I improvised.  What I got was the recipe I am sharing here.  It was the best I have ever had.

Ingredients:

For red beans:

• 4 tablespoons olive oil, or better yet, bacon grease.  
• 1 medium onion, chopped
• 2 medium red bell peppers, chopped
• 6 cloves garlic, pressed, or thoroughly crushed in a mortar and pestle
• 3 stalks celery, chopped
• 1 large carrot, diced
• 2 teaspoons coarse kosher salt
• 1 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
• 1 pound smoked ham hock, bone in
• 3 bay leaves
• 1 teaspoon fresh thyme
• 1 teaspoon Louisiana hot sauce, or approved equivalent.  
• 1/2 teaspoon cayenne pepper
• 2 quarts water
• 1 pound red beans (not kidney), rinsed and picked of debris.  

For rice:

• 6 cups spring or filtered water 
• Fine sea salt 
• 7 ounces (1 cup) Anson Mills Carolina Gold Rice 
• 2 to 3 tablespoons unsalted butter, cut into small pieces 
• ½ teaspoon freshly ground black pepper 

Directions:

For beans:

Soak the beans in water with a teaspoon of salt stirred in overnight in a crock pot.  Use enough water to more than cover the beans.  In the morning, drain the beans, and add a fresh 2 quarts of water to the beans, and turn it onto high.  I have an older crock pot, so I have Off, Low, and High for settings.  I prefer this kind of crock pot over newer ones with programs and Wifi.  When the beans are starting to simmer lightly, turn it to low.   

1. About 2 hours before you want to eat, dice the peppers, onion, carrot, and celery.  You probably don’t have a mortar and pestle like the one pictured, but you should.  Put the garlic in the mortar, and smash it up good.  add the thyme, and kosher salt.  I start this with a coarse kosher salt because it adds a little grinding action.  We want to release the oils in the thyme leaves.  
2. In a 7-quart Dutch oven set over medium-high heat, add the oil (or bacon grease), and let it get hot.  Don’t use extra virgin for this, because the smoke temperature is too low.  Add the onion, bell pepper, celery, carrot and pepper.. Cook, stirring frequently, until the onions and celery are semi-translucent and the bell peppers and carrots are tender, 6 to 8 minutes. Add the garlic and thyme mixture, and cook for 1 to 2 more minutes, stirring constantly.  Add the ham hock, bay leaves, thyme, hot sauce, cayenne pepper, water and pour the beans from the crock pot into the dutch oven, and increase the heat to high.  Eat a bean to test its firmness.  If they are soft, and not at all gritty, skip the lid-on part of the final cooking.  If they are not soft, continue with the next step.  
3. Cook, stirring frequently until the mixture comes to a boil, approximately 6 to 8 minutes. Decrease the heat to maintain a simmer, cover and cook for at least 1 hour, stirring every 15 minutes.  Keep an eye on how tender the beans are.  When they are just about as tender as you want them, move to the uncovered cooking.  
4. After the covered cooking is done, uncover the pot, remove the ham hock.  Let it cool on a plate.  
5. Increase the heat slightly to maintain a steady simmer and continue to cook, stirring often, for another 30 to 40 minutes.
6. When the ham hock is cooled, remove it from the bone, remove the fat, and tear it up with a couple of forks.  Return it to the pot.  
7. When the beans are tender and the sauce is thickened to your liking, they are done.  If they aren’t thickening, cook a little longer.  You don’t want to turn the beans to mush, though.  You may not get this right on the first try.  You can adjust your cooking times on future attempts.  It’s worth it. 

For Rice:

Follow the Anson Mills recipe for Carolina Gold rice as follows:  

For this recipe, you will need a rimmed baking sheet, parchment paper, a heavy-bottomed 3½-quart saucepan, a wooden spoon, a fine-holed footed colander, and a spatula.

Directions:  

1. Adjust an oven rack to the middle position and heat the oven to 300 degrees. Line a rimmed baking sheet with parchment paper.
2. In a heavy-bottomed 3½-quart saucepan, bring the water and 1 tablespoon of salt to a boil over high heat. Add the rice, stir once, and as soon as the water returns to a boil, reduce the heat to low. Simmer gently, uncovered, stirring occasionally, until the rice is just tender with no hard starch at its center, about 15 minutes. Drain the rice in a fine-holed footed colander and rinse well with cool water. Shake the colander to drain off excess water.
3. Distribute the rice evenly on the prepared baking sheet. Place the baking sheet in the oven and allow the rice to dry for about 5 minutes, gently turning the grains from time to time with a spatula. Dot with the butter and sprinkle with the pepper and salt to taste. Return the baking sheet to the oven and allow the rice to warm through, occasionally turning the grains, until the butter has melted and the rice is hot, about 5 minutes more. Transfer to a warmed serving bowl and serve immediately.

Why Use Anson Mills Rice?

If you’re asking this question, you haven’t tried it.  You can use rice from you local supermarket, or natural food store, and this dish will be good.  Just remember to add some butter, salt and pepper to the rice in the quantities listed above.  However, the Anson Mills ice kicks the deliciousness up a notch.  Give it a try.

The Impatient Chef Road Food Find: Locks of Dogs & Treats in Cascade Locks, Oregon

Locks of Dogs & Treats

When traveling between Portland and Hood River and parts Eastwards, there's a little town called Cascade Locks.  Named for the locks on the Columbia River that enabled boat traffic to reach The Dalles prior to the construction of the Bonneville Dam, the little town is no more than an exit along I-84 to most people, but to drive obliviously by this little town would be a mistake.

Go ahead, take the exit.  Drive down Wa Na Pa Street through the heart of town, you will find art studios and galleries, the tallest ice cream cones on earth (think I'm exaggerating, don't you?) at the East Winds Drive-in, a Native American establishment called The Brigham Fish House, the iconic Bridge of the Gods (below), and a small, unassuming shop with some absolutely killer hot dogs.

The Bridge of the Gods

When I-84 was built in the 1960's,  Hwy 30, (the Historic Columbia River Highway) was vivisected, and left to die except for where there happened to be a town, or a smattering of waterfalls.  Cascade Locks survived that, and has persevered through fire and flood to stand defiantly along the river with a strong will and a big heart.  That big heart what you will find at Locks of Dogs & Treats.

Walk in, and the first thing you will notice is the 1950's charm. There are 45's on the wall (records, you know, vinyl.  Betcha can't stick a MP3 on your wall  And no, I don't mean a Facebook wall), a picture of Elvis, and 50's icons from Ray Charles to Marilyn Monroe emblazoned on the backs of the chairs.  The owner, Brenda Wood, said that the named chairs started as a joke with a regular customer for whom they stenciled "The King" on the back of his usual seat.  Since The King was also Elvis Presley's nickname, the rest of the chairs got names on them as well.

A Wall of Music

Now, let's talk about the hot dogs.  I have had only the custom dogs, so I can't speak for the rest of them.  The first time I went there, I was a little concerned about the prices when it came time to order, but hooo-leee jumpin' jesosaphat what arrived on the table was enough for two of me, and way too big to pick up and eat.  That's why they give out forks and knives with them.  My concern vanished quickly.

The Dogs Arriveth.  Left: The King's Dog.  Right: Deputy Dog

I ordered the Deputy Dog.  Which is the Louisiana Hot Dog (spicy, but not too spicy), chili, shredded cheese, jalepenos, onion, and (get this) Fritos.  Yes, that's right, Fritos!

I saw an episode of Anthony Bourdain's "Parts Unknown" that explored New Mexico.  There was a restaurant there that served something called Frito Pie, which is a small bag of Fritos, opened and topped off with chili and shredded cheese.  He spoke highly of it.  So...  If it's good enough for Bourdain, it's good enough for me, and it's good enough for you, too. 

The part of my hot dog that left me giggling was that Locks and Dogs uses chili with small slices of hot dogs in it.  This is frankly brilliant.

 My wife had the King's Dog, which is a bacon-wrapped monster with chili, cream cheese, shredded cheese, and onions.  Let's face it... BACON.  Right?  Does anything else need to be said?

This is not haute cuisine, but it's damn fine grub.  Come on in, order up some dogs, and chat with the owner, or whoever is behind the counter.  

Let's not forget the ice cream.  It's by Cascade Glacier, made in Eugene, Oregon.

Ice Cream
Alice in Wonderland photo effects by Author, not flashback.

They serve it up cold on any hot day, and even the cold ones.  

Locks of Dogs and Treats is family-friendly.  If you want a beer or a cocktail, go across the street after your dog.  

Find them on facebook here.

On Instagram here

Brenda and Felicia

#locksofdogsandtreats

#cascadelocks

#columbiagorge

The Impatient Chef Recipe: Scallop and Bacon Alfredo

Recipe:  Scallop and Bacon Alfredo.

With the abundance of bacon-wrapped figs, dates, hot dogs, steaks, so forth and so on, filling up recipe sites, I thought I'd try my hand at it a few months ago.  I pre-fried the bacon in the oven until about half done, let it cool, and then wrapped it around some monster scallops, sprinkled them with Buck's Zestier BBQ seasoning (Tony Chatcher's Creole Seasoning will work if you don't live in New York, or want to purchase 5 pounds of Buck's.  We go through 5 pounds in just over a year, so it's OK for us. [It's even good on ice cream]), and popped them in the oven for about 10 minutes.  After defending them from the cat, we sat down and enjoyed a proper artery-clogging treat.  I thought about making them again while perusing the fish counter at the local supermarket, when I decided that it was too late in the paycheck to buy the $20.00 per pound sea scallops, but the bay scallops were $8.99 per pound.  A concept was born of necessity.

At first, I was going to fry the bacon as I usually do on a tray in the oven (it just works better that way), remove the bacon, and throw the scallops onto the pan, sprinkle them with some Old Bay Seasoning (for variety's sake),  and bake them for a few minutes.  After that, it was drain the bacon fat, crumble the bacon over them, drizzle some pre-heated heavy cream over them, and serve.  Simple enough for the Impatient Chef.  Then my wife said, "Over pasta, right?"

Full stop.  Tire tracks.

She's had pasta front and center of her menu lately.  Everything from pesto to marinara to gravies to alfredo gets onto the pasta bandwagon, and takes a spin.  I was trying my hardest to resist, but we already had most of the ingredients.  Why not.

The rest, shall we say, is supper.

Let us begin.

Ingredients:

4-5 slices bacon (uncured is best)
3/4 lb bay scallops
1 pint heavy cream
8 oz fettuccini noodles (homemade is preferable)
3 tbsp flour (for roux)
4 oz freshly grated parmesan cheese
1 tsp ground dried mustard
1/4 tsp white pepper
1/2 tsp kosher salt (plus 1 tbsp for pasta water)
Old Bay Seasoning
2 scallions

Directions:

Preheat oven to 400 degrees F.  Lay bacon out on a rimmed baking tray (this method works better for bacon in all circumstances), and put it onto the oven's middle rack.  Start pasta water heating, and stir in 1 tbsp kosher salt.

Pour the heavy cream into a small (but not too small) sauce pan.  Slowly heat it on low.  Stir in the dried mustard, remaining salt, and white pepper.  Stir often to keep it from crusting on the bottom of the pan.

Use this lull in the action to grate the parmesan cheese.  (Note:  If you use the grated parmesan cheese in the green can, The Impatient Chef will be very disappointed in you, however, this will still be delicious, so no worries).  Also chop the scallions.

When the bacon is done, remove it from the oven.  Baking times depend on thickness.  If you buy good bacon, it will likely take longer than the national brands.  Place it on a plate with a paper towel underneath.  The bacon must be crispy, but not burned.  Reserve 2 tbsp of the bacon grease in a small sauté pan (I use an old crepe pan for roux.  It works really well, but will no longer be suitable for crepes without re-seasoning), and leave the rest on the tray.  You will use this to bake the scallops.  When the bacon is cool enough, crumble it into small pieces.

Drain the scallops in a sieve.  I have found that the water that comes from thawing scallops doesn't help cream sauces.  Put the scallops onto the tray with the remaining bacon grease.  Toss them in it, and then arrange them in a single layer.  Dust them with the Old Bay Seasoning.  Bake for 5 minutes.

By this time the pasta water should be boiling.  Add the fettuccini, and stir to keep it from sticking together.

Heat the roux pan on medium low, and stir in flour.  Cook, stirring often, for at least 5 minutes, 10 if you can bear it.  Keep stirring, though.  This is a white roux for a white sauce.

When the scallops are done, remove them from the oven.  Drain the excess bacon grease off of them.

When the roux is done, stir in 1/4 cup of the heated heavy cream, and then add the mixture to the sauce pan with the rest of the heavy cream.   Use a wire whisk to smooth the sauce.  When the sauce is hot and thickened, but not boiling, add the parmesan cheese 4 batches, stirring until smooth after each batch.

When the noodles are about a minute away from being done, add the scallops to the sauce, and the bacon.  Stir.

When the noodles are done, drain them.  Add sauce.  Sprinkle scallions over top.

Serves 4.

The Impatient Chef Recipe: The Reubenesque Sammich

The Reubenesque Sammich

     This recipe was inspired by a Reuben sandwich that I ate at Bud Clark’s Goose Hollow Tavern sometime in the 1990’s.  I tried for years to figure out what the wonderful sauce that they used in place of the Russian Dressing.  Then, one day while making Buffalo Wings, it came to me like a vision.  Here it is.

Makes 2 sandwiches

Ingredients:

1/2 pound pastrami

1 cup sauerkraut - drained

4 slices Emmentaler cheese, or enough to coat the inside of both bread slices.

1/3 cup butter

1/3 cup hot sauce (Frank’s, or Tapatio)

3 cloves garlic - pressed

4 slices rye bread (caraway rye preferred)

Pastrami and Emmentaler

Tools of the Trade

Directions

1. Melt the butter in an iron (preferred) skillet on medium heat.  Add the garlic, and sauté for about a minute.  Add the hot sauce.  Stir over medium heat until the sauce is hot and the hot sauce is incorporated into the butter.

   

   Fire in the Hole!
2. Add pastrami.  continue to stir.  Move to one side of the pan after it is warmed.  
3. Add the sauerkraut.  

   

   Kraut in!

4. Continue to stir.  Make sure that it is warm, and has sauce throughout.
5. Heat a separate pan, again, preferably an iron skillet on medium heat.  Butter the rye bread, and place 2 slices butter side down in the pan.  Place cover the bread with 2 slices of cheese each.  
6. Put half of the meat onto each slice of bread.  Repeat with the sauerkraut.
7. Place 2 slices of cheese on top of the sauerkraut, and place the remaining bread slices butter side up on the top of both sandwiches.  If your pan isn't big enough, prepare one at a time.  

   

   On the Griddle

8. Cover.  
9. Fry until toasted on the first side, flip and fry covered until toasted.  Beware, the second side doesn't take as long as the first.    
10. Serve.

A few notes on Pastrami:


Rye Bread musings:
     The rye bread must be a cast member, not an extra.  I prefer a caraway rye bread.  If you open the bag, and it smells like supermarket white bread, get your money back.  Good rye breads are getting hard to find, so keep an eye out for it wherever you are.  The freezer is your friend.  Bread will keep in the freezer for a couple weeks.  Double bag it, and it will keep for a couple more.

Restaurant Review: 3 Rivers Grill, Hood River, Oregon

     The 3 Rivers Grill has been a long-time favorite of mine ever since my wife and I began making Hood River and the Eastern Columbia Gorge a photographic destination well over a decade ago.  We have watched the sparse menu slowly change over the years as the photographs on the walls have slowly faded to a light blue.  There is ample seating outside on a deck, and a surprisingly small dining room inside the restaurant.  The bar is small, but well stocked, and they make a decent martini.  The wine list is well-curated.  

Menu Reading, Glasses Optional

     The atmosphere is upscale, and tasteful, but not bland.  1970's music plays on continuous rotation, which is OK by me, because the most dreadful musical trends from the era don't get played.  The play list is built around acts like Billy Joel, Simon and Garfunkel, The Doobie Brothers, and Gordon Lightfoot.  

     For an appetizer, we ordered the Shrimp Ceviche, which is diced shrimp with lime, onions, cilantro, and some avocado slices.  It's served with house-made tortilla chips. 

Shrimp Ceviche

The appetizer was just about the right portion.  It was light, and refreshing, and the ensemble of flavors worked well together.  Nothing overpowered the rest of the dish.  

     The entree was Shrimp and Spicy Andouille Sausage Pasta.  We had it split into two portions, so the picture below shows about half of it.  It was fettuccini pasta with shrimp, andouille sausage, red onions, sundried tomatoes, parmesan cheese, and some bread crumbs sprinkled on top.  The presentation was nicely done.

Shrimp and Spicy Andouille Pasta

     The first thing I smelled was the shrimp.  This is a good thing.  I adore shrimp.  

     First, the minuses: The andouille sausage was sliced thin, and barely noticeable in the dish.  Also, the Alfredo Sauce was creamy, but mostly devoid of real flavor.  I prefer a stronger parmesan flavor, and a peppery finish.  The sundried tomatoes acted as little exclamation points throughout the dish, which clashed with the otherwise understated flavors.  

     Next, the plusses: the shrimp was to die for.  The quality was obviously high.  Setting aside my preconditions for Alfredo Sauce for a moment, it tasted good as an ensemble.  It was not the best main course I have ever had there (their salmon, and their steaks are top notch), but I won't let it keep me from going back.  I've had too many excellent meals there to let an average one keep me away.

    Next came dessert.  We ordered the Chocolate Gataeu Ganache.  

Chocolate Gateau Ganache

     Imagine a chocolate cake base holding up raspberry mousse, and vanilla ice cream, topped with melted chocolate, whipped cream, and a sliced strawberry.  Now, imagine eating it.  This was an extraordinary dessert.  All elements played well together, and the strawberry added a real sensuousness to the overall flavor.
     There is a reason that we keep coming back the the 3 Rivers Grill, and that is simply good food.

Restaurant Review: The Baldwin Saloon

And on the seventh day God created fish and chips, and there was much rejoicing.  And God did say unto to the fry cook make them golden brown and crispy, not soggy or cakey.  The heavenly host seated customers on high, and the strumpets made cooing noises.  And then God spake, Go ye fry cooks and cut potatoes lengthwise, and baptize them in hot oil.  Get them not from the freezer.  Get them not from Food Services of Judea, lest ye be unto snail dung in my sight.  Fryeth them likewise to a golden brown, and resteth them with the fish upon the crinkly paper in the plastic basket.  God looked upon his lunch and sayeth he, Let there be tartar sauce.  Let it not be too sweet, or I shall afflict thee with a plague of hipsters.  Instead, with thy mayonnaise and relish, add lemon, and maybe dill, and a dash of the heavenly green Tabasco sauce, and thou shalt dwell in the kingdom of the lunch counter, on this, our greasy spoon of paradise.  

Amen.  

Which brings us to my first of many Fish & Chips reviews.  It just happens to also be about one of my most frequented Columbia Gorge restaurants: The Baldwin Saloon, in The Dalles, Oregon.  Despite my above remark about greasy spoons, this place is certainly not one.  The greasy spoons will be reviewed in later posts.  

When you walk into The Baldwin Saloon, you find a mixture of old western charm,...

Renee

... friendly staff, and...

Fine art

...a bar full of naked women - in paintings, of course.  

There is art throughout the saloon, starting with the ladies of the bar, and turning to western landscapes in the restaurant proper.  Other touches are a piano on a platform above the entrances to the restrooms, and a vintage cash register.  The bar has a brass rail.  How awesome is that?  Even more awesome is the occasional rumble of a Union Pacific train across the alley.  The floor vibrates a little.  I like trains, so this is a plus.  

The menu is extensive for an upscale restaurant.  Did I say "upscale"?  Yes, it's upscale for the Columbia Gorge, not for San Francisco or New York City.  The menu is decidedly American Cuisine, with some other traditions scattered in, from a Mediterranean Cobb Salad to the French influences Coquille St. Jaques.  

Today, we had an appetizer of oysters on the half shell.  Until just a couple of months ago, I had not had oysters thusly since I visited the Baltimore Inner Harbor in 1991.  There is something intrinsically, well... icky about raw oysters.  However, fresh oysters on the half shell, with a spritz of lemon, and a dollop of cocktail sauce (with enough horseradish to give it a zing) are surprisingly good.  These are excellent.  

Whenever I eat raw mollusks, I do it at the Baldwin.

Oh, the humanity!

The next course was clam chowder (notice a trend here?).  I have had varying levels of clam chowder throughout the west coast over the last almost thirty years.  The clam chowder a the Baldwin is on the high end of the scale.  It is creamy, and not slimy like many soups from a can that you can find at restaurants claiming to serve food made on the premises.  I had a particularly dreadful example this past winter at a Hood River steak house (which I won't name here) that had a decent flavor, but the texture was off (xanthan gum?), and IT WAS COLD!  The soup at the Baldwin was not cold.  It was Goldilocks just right.  

Next, we come to the Fish & Chips.  We had them split onto two plates, so what you see in the picture below is a half serving.  These fit all of the requirements in the opening paragraphs of this review.  The breading was light and crispy.  The fish was tender and delicious.  The fries were golden brown, and delightfully crispy.

I have two criticisms of the Fish & Chips.  1. I got a hint of strong cooking oil a few times.  2. The french fries went soggy after a few minutes.  Both of these were disappointments, but a little ketchup helped the fries along, and the tartar sauce minimized the oil taste in the fish.  I added a little lemon to it, and a dash of pepper.  All was not lost.  I will go back and try these Fish & Chips again to see if the issues I had repeat themselves, and I'll post an update.  

All in all, it was very good, despite the mixed results from the main course.  I have been a regular customer there for about 5 years now, and the quality keeps me coming back.  If you live in the area, or are just passing by The Dalles, Oregon, stop by for a good meal.

Gary L. Quay
Hood River, Oregon