The Impatient Chef's Veddy Veddy British Cream Tea, Part 2: The Quest for Scones.

In our last episode, we were on the Quest for Fortmason Tea.  
The next Item on the list for the Cream Tea was flour for the Scones.  We decided to go with Mary Berry’s scone recipe, so we needed to have self-raising flour.  We could have gone to the grocery store down the street, but why do that when we can go to:

BoB's Red Mill

The Impatient Chef gets hungry while shopping, and Bob’s Red Mill has a restaurant in its Whole Grain Store (located near the actual mill in Milwaukie, Oregon).  The restaurant is not a formal affair, in keeping with the general folksy vibe at the store.  You order at the counter, grab your coffee or soft drink from the drinks island, or from the cooler.  You take a number to your table, and the food arrives a short while later.  The food, as one would expect, features Bob’s Red Mill products, as well as local meat and produce.  It’s quality fare. 

Well, at least what I’ve had of it. You see, The Impatient Chef has a weakness for good hamburgers.  So does The Impatient Chef’s wife.  We have eaten there 4 times.  I have had the burger 3 of those, and the Reuben once.  When I got the Reuben, I was seriously considering the burger.  The Reuben, not parenthetically, was excellent as well. 

The Burger Rules!

After the burger, it was time to get the flour.

Choices.

We were after pastry flour, but the question arose of whether to buy whole wheat or white.  White would make the traditional scone of Mary Berry’s recipe.  Whole wheat would make flavorful, but possibly denser scones.  Decisions.  Decisions.  But, being the Solomon of the Shopping Trip, I split the baby, and bought both.

Mary Berry’s recipe also calls for “self-raising flour.”  Being American, I have never used that.  Fine.  I’ll have to make it.  It wasn’t hard.  Recipe courtesy of King Arthur Flour.

Mix the following together:

• 1 cup (120g) All-purpose flour

• 1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder

• 1/4 teaspoon salt

Next for the clotted cream.  

Clotted cream, or Devonshire Cream, is an undoubtably British accouterment known for both its use with scones and jam, and for Rowan Atkinson’s contempt riddled soliloquy in Blackadder (find it, watch it).  Since The Impatient Chef likes to cook from scratch, especially unfamiliar recipes (unless impatience overrides adventuresomeness [bookmark this for later]), making some at home was the first order of business.  I consulted the Oracle at Yahoo for all the world’s wisdom, and came up thus:  

According to Curious Cuisinière’s web site:

“The cream has to be heated slowly for 12 hours, which we find easiest to do overnight. Then it is cooled for another 8 hours (or over the next night).”

So, it was off to Cost Plus World Market, and it’s British food section. Phew!  That was close.  The Impatient Chef is waaaay too impatient for that.  A short shopping trip later, the cream was procured, and only one ingredient remained.  

Coming up next on the Quest for Teat: Kick Out the Jams.  

The Impatient Chef Recipe: Pigs in a Blanket

They’re super easy, and quick.  Using puff pastry adds a little French cachet to an otherwise delightfully low-brow treat for kids, both young and old.

Thanks to Gaia Quay for the idea.

You will need:

• 1 package of 8 hot dogs. 
• 1 package puff pastry (2 sheets) thawed
• 8 slices cheese (I prefer cheddar)
• 1 egg, beaten
• flour for rolling
• A little warm water

Directions: 

1. Preheat the oven to 400 degrees F.
2. Spread flour on the rolling surface.  With a rolling pin, roll out the puff pastry until it’s about a third bigger that it started.  each sheet needs to be able to cover 4 hot dogs with a little room for closing the ends and pinching them closed.  
3. Cut each sheet into 4 squares.  Lay a hot dog on each.  Add a slice of cheese to each dog.  Tear it into chunks if necessary to add cheese to the full length of the dog.
4. Wrap the dogs like a burrito in the puff pastry.  Using a brush, wet the edge of the pastry where the two edges come together.  This will make them stick together.  Don’t make it too wet, though.  Wet the inside ends of the puff pastry where you will squeeze them together to seal the dog in.  Press the pastry together at the ends.  Use a fork to crimp the ends together.
5. Brush the tops and sides of the blankets with the beaten egg.  
6. Bake for 25 minutes, or until the tops become golden brown.  
7. Serve with mustard, or other, lesser condiments.

The Impatient Chef Recipe: Potatoes au Rotten

Sometimes a name just pops into your head, and it won't let go.   And sometimes, even though the name is not at all appetizing, you have to make the dish around it.  This is one such occasion.
In the lead-up to Christmas, I was planning the meal which my family would partake of, and I needed a potato dish.  I had read a news article about the queen of England just a few minutes before, and The Sex Pistols song "God Save the Queen" popped into my head.  Then, it struck:  Potatoes au Rotten, named for the lead singer, Johnny Rotten.  I would make a spiced up version of the regular dish, and give it spiky, red hair with the addition of shredded carrots on the top.  A side dish was born.

The Impatient Chef presents:  Potatoes au Rotten.

Photo Credit: Rex (no last name given)

Ingredients:

• 2 1/2 lbs russet potatoes, sliced into 1/4 inch rounds
• 1 large onion, sliced into rings
• 3 tablespoons butter
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• Fresh, ground pepper
• 1/2 tsp mustard powder
• 3 heaping tablespoons all-purpose flour
• 3 tbsp (or more) Cajun Seasoning (or other zesty mixture)
• 1 cup milk
• 1 cup buttermilk (or more milk)
• 6 oz shredded Pepper Jack cheese
• 4 oz shredded carrots.
• 1 cup panko

Directions:

1. Preheat oven to 400 degrees F (200 degrees C). Butter a 1 quart casserole dish. 
2. Layer 1/2 of the potatoes into bottom of the buttered casserole dish. Top with the onion slices, and add the remaining potatoes. Sprinkle the Cajun Seasoning over the top. 
3. In a medium-size saucepan, melt butter over medium heat. Mix in the flour and salt, and stir constantly with a whisk for one minute. Add about 1/4 cup of the milk.  Stir until incorporated, and then slowly stir in the rest.  Stir in dried mustard powder.  Cook, stirring, until mixture has thickened.  Stir in cheese all at once, and continue stirring until melted, about 30 to 60 seconds.  Pepper to taste.  
4. Pour cheese over the potatoes, sprinkle the shredded carrot over the top, and cover the dish with aluminum foil.
5. Bake 1 1/4 hours in the preheated oven.  
6. Remove from the oven, and sprinkle panko over the top.  Bake the remaining 15 minutes uncovered.  Allow to rest for 10 minutes.  Serve.  

Mom's Christmas Cookies

This is a recipe handed down from my mother.  The origins are a mystery, but may have come from a cookbook.  I've been eating every Christmas for over 50 years.  They are cakey, and a little brown at the edges when done right.

Cookies:

Mix thoroughly: 

• 1/3 cup sugar (preferably caster sugar)
• 1/2 cup soft shortening (substitute butter if desired.  Yes, it's desired)
• 1 egg
• 2/3 cup honey

Sift Together and add:

• 2 3/4 cups pastry flour
• 1 tsp baking soda
• 1 tsp salt

1. Leave the shortening or butter out of the refrigerator for at least an hour.  In a bowl, add sugar, shortening or butter, egg, and honey.  Mix until combined.  

   

   Whip it Good!

2. In a different bowl, mix the flour, baking soda, and salt with a wire whip until combined.  Add the wet ingredients to the dry ingredients, and mix until there are no lumps.  Do not over-mix.  Working the dough any more than necessary will make the cookies harder. 

   

   Mix it Good!

3. Chill dough for at least an hour.  Then, on a floured surface, roll out 1/4 inch thick.  Cut with cookie cutters.  

   

   Cuttin' 'em Out

4. Place cookies 1 inch apart on lightly greased baking sheets.  Bake at 375 degrees for 8 to 10 minutes, or until no finger imprint remains when touched lightly.  When cool, Ice
5. You have to adjust time and temperature according to your oven.

Icing (royal):

• 3 egg whites (extra large or jumbo)
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
• 4 cups powdered sugar

1. Using the mixer of your choice, combine the egg whites and vanilla and beat until frothy.  Slowly add the powdered sugar, and mix on low speed until sugar is incorporated, and the mixture is shiny.  Turn speed up to high and beat until mixture forms stiff, glossy peaks,  approximately 5 to 7 minutes.

   

   Mixing in the Powdered Sugar

Substitutions:

1/3 cup Raw sugar (not the coarse kind) for the sugar.  The Impatient Chef prefers the hit of molasses from a good raw sugar.  

1/3 cup soft butter for the shortening (because, well, butter.  Need I say more?).

2 3/4 cups whole wheat pastry flour for the pastry flour (you may have to adjust the consistency with more honey).  Find a whole white wheat flour.  Bob's Red Mill is a good source.  

The Impatient Chef's Veddy Veddy British Cream Tea, Part 1

A Veddy Elegant British tea

A few months ago, in the carefree, short-sleeved summertime, and being wont to do so, my wife and I stopped at a Celtic Festival at a nearby church.  It was a small affair, with a bandstand, rows of benches, and a variety of musical acts, mostly punctuated by bagpipes.  A few booths circled a lightly wooded area where artists, and non-profits sold wares.  Songs were sung, pies were sold, and for a few bucks High Tea, and Cream Tea was poured inside a cafeteria near the bandstand.  

We opted for the less filling, bangerless Cream Tea (a banger is a british sausage), which involves scones, jam, and Devonshire Cream (clotted cream), and tea.  

The tea arrived in a small teapot with elegant cups.  I was a little disappointed to see the the tea was Lipton.  Still, we spread the cream on the scones, and put the jam on top of that (this is the Devon method, as opposed to the Cornwall style, which is cream on top of the jam), and had a lovely British tea experience.  It left us wanting to take it up a notch.  What improvements were needed to make a veddy, veddy British Cream Tea experience?  

What is veddy?  Veddy is the word "very" spoken with an upper crust British accent with one's nose held indeed high.  

Let us start be deconstructing the idea of cream tea.  The cream in the name stands for the clotted cream, which is unpasteurized milk heated over a steam bath for a long time, after which is is allowed to cool slowly, which causes it to clot.  It was probably discovered by accident, like most culinary practices.  The texture is half way between whipped cream, and butter, and the flavor is slightly sweet.  

Scones are light and crumbly breads made with pastry flour, sugar, egg, and milk.  They don’t resemble the American-style wedges of parched cardboard and poppy seeds to which we’ve become accustomed.  They can have raisins, currents, cranberries, or other smallish dried fruits in them.  

Which brings us to tea.  Tea is NOT something that comes in little bags on strings, unless you’re in a big hurry.  If you have time, and a teapot, looseleaf tea is the way to go.  Tea comes in many flavors, and styles.  There is black tea, green tea, white tea, roobios tea, yerba mate, herbal teas, scented teas, tea lattes, and bubble teas.  For British tea, black tea is traditional.  The Impatient Chef’s tea of choice is Earl Gray.  The Earl Grayest of Earl Gray teas comes from a corner shop on London’s Piccadilly called Fortnum & Mason.  It’s called Fortmason Tea.  

Fortmason Tea used to be available in The US more readily.  I was able to pick it up at a local British restaurant whenever I needed it.  Then, sometime in the late 1990’s it disappeared.  Nobody carried it.  I heard something about customs trouble, but nothing definitive.  So, I stopped looking.  When we decided to create for ourselves a Vedy, Vedy British Cream Tea Experience, we also decided to find Fortmason.  

Notes on buying locally:  I always try to purchase locally, preferably made with local ingredients.  Sometimes this is not possible.  As you will see as this quest for tea progresses, some things can be sourced locally.  Not everyone lives in Portland, Oregon, so your mileage may vary, but it’s always good to make the effort.  The bad news is that nobody in the Portland area sells Fortnum & Mason Teas.  We have a saying in my day job, that when something is extremely hard to get, or is no longer produced, it is made of “unobtanium”.  Wanting this to not be the case, The Impatient Chef had to hold his nose, and venture onto the Amazon.com Deathstar.

Success!

Looseleaf tea is procured.  Next on The Impatient Chef, on to Devonshire Cream, and Jam.  

The Impatient Chef: A Very Fried Thanksgiving

Update:  Do not try this at home.  This recipe is not ready for Prime Time.  The Impatient Chef leaves it on the internet entirely to make fun of it in newer posts.  

When Thanksgiving approaches every year, I find myself searching for a way to subvert the turkey paradigm.  Sometimes I give in, and just make the bird that I’m expected to bake, but this year, as the days grew shorter, and the upcoming cooking marathon began to weigh on my expectations, I found myself searching for a way to pop the culinary balloon.  In the immortal words of The Grinch, “But, how?”

There is a grocery store in Hood River, Oregon called Roseaur’s.  It’s ye olde basic mass of shelves and aisles where the big name brands make a play for domination of stomachs everywhere.  However, it is set apart by three things: 1. It’s in the town where the Pacific Northwest and Paradise meet; 2. it has a decent natural foods section; and 3. an honest to goodness meat counter.  It was at that meat counter that the inspiration hit me.

“Do you have any duck?”

Next thing you know…

“Congratulations, Mr. Impatient Chef, it’s a duck.”

Now, what to do with it. One can’t just bake it, or...

FRY IT! Of course!

I opted for steaming it prior to frying, on the suggestion of my wife, based on Alton Brown’s buffalo wing’s technique. This would render the meat less fatty after frying.

You will need the following things:

• A fryer.  A dutch oven will suffice.
• Oil.  Preferably peanut oil
• A duck (but I mentioned that before)
• Breading (I used panko)
• 1 tbsp Thyme
• 1 tbsp Parsley, chopped
• 1 tbsp Rosemary, chopped
• Salt
• Pepper
• 2 eggs
• 1/4 cup flour
• 1/4 cup corn flour
• 1 cup panko (spicy if you dare).

First, dismember the bird. Save all of the parts that aren’t breasts, thighs, drumsticks, and wings for the broth. Second, place the pieces to be fried into a steamer kettle. Steam for about 15 minutes, removing the smaller pieces after 10 minutes. Reserve the steaming water in the pot.

Place the steamed duck on a sheet pan, and refrigerate for at least an hour. Put all of the remaining duck parts in the steaming water. Cover with more water, and simmer, covered. This will become gravy later. Meanwhile, prepare the breading. Lay out three bowls.

I added a tbsp locally-made seasoning to the Panko. You can add what you desire, or just use it as is.

  

Remove the skin from the duck pieces. It’s difficult to get it off of the wings, so you can skip that.  

Remove the bones from the breasts. Cover the duck pieces in the flour mixture, then the egg, and then roll them in the panko. Place them on a sheet pan. let them sit for at least 20 minutes.

Now would be a good time to start heating the oil. I heat it to 350 degrees.

Give the simmering duck trimmings as long as you can, but you will need at least 20 minutes to reduce it, more it you have time. Prepare mashed potatoes, a veg or two, or whatever else you want to eat with the duck.

Strain the duck broth, let it sit for a few minutes, and strain the fat off of the top. Add it back to the pan, and boil to reduce.

Fry the duck.

Okay, I added a couple mushrooms.

When the duck has an internal temperature of 135 to 140 degrees, remove it from the oil. Cover with a paper towel.

       Serve.

The Impatient Chef Stops by South Bay Wild Fish House, Astoria, Oregon

In these last years before the roaring twenty twenties, The Impatient Chef has embarked on the Quest for Fish and Chips at various times and places.  This undertaking has continued apace, although I have not been posting as much lately.  Some of you will recall that I began this blog with the following words:

“And on the seventh day God created fish and chips, and there was much rejoicing.  And God did say unto to the fry cook make them golden brown and crispy, not soggy or cakey.  The heavenly host seated customers on high, and the strumpets made cooing noises.  And then God spake, ‘Go ye fry cooks and cut potatoes lengthwise, and baptize them in hot oil.  Get them not from the freezer.  Get them not from Food Services of Judea, lest ye be unto snail dung in my sight.  Fryeth them likewise to a golden brown, and resteth them with the fish upon the crinkly paper in the plastic basket.  God looked upon his lunch and sayeth he, Let there be tartar sauce.  Let it not be too sweet, or I shall afflict thee with a plague of hipsters.  Instead, with thy mayonnaise and relish, add lemon, and maybe dill, and a dash of the heavenly green Tabasco sauce, and thou shalt dwell in the kingdom of the lunch counter, on this, our greasy spoon of paradise.’

Amen.”

All sacrilege aside,  this is still a quest worth undertaking.  And with that, I bring you my newest fish and chips review: the South Bay Wild Fish House in Astoria, Oregon.  

The Cap'n and Crew

South Bay Wild is located in Astoria’s historic downtown.  As the first American settlement west of the Rockies (not counting the natives who were already here), there’s quite a bit of history, mostly involving fish, canneries, the (very suggestive) Astoria Column https://astoriacolumn.org, and the Columbia River Bar.  

The Columbia River Bar is not a fine drinking establishment where locals drink away the fishy odor.  No, it is instead the place where the Columbia River and the pacific Ocean meet, and they are not on friendly terms.  In bad weather (most of the time), they can become downright testy.  In years gone by, the Bar ate ships like jelly beans, but in this day of oceangoing zip codes, not so much.  Although, occasionally, rescues are necessary.  

South Bay has a clean, friendly, if sparse, atmosphere.  The walls have the prerequisite nautical theme, but it isn’t kitschy, or sentimental.  Only a few of its decorations washed in from the ocean.  A sign over the doorway to the lower dining room (there's one upstairs too) reads, “Not all those who wander are lost.”  Any restaurant that quotes JRR Tolkien is okay by me.  

The Lower Dining Room at South Bay

The waitstaff are sometimes also the cooks, and they are helpful, and attentive.  They checked up on us  (my wife and I) 4 times after the meal was served.  I didn’t find it distracting, or needy.  

We started with the clam chowder, as one must, before the fish and chips.  The cup of soup arrived with oyster crackers, and on a saucer with a doily.  The consistency was not thick, but it was not runny either.  It was made using a roux - a good, honest, no frills roux made of butter and flour - and not guar gum, or corn starch.  I don’t have to ask.  I can tell.  This soup hit all of the high points: diced potatoes; bits of clam; a mildly clammy taste; and no need to add anything.  Some clam chowders cry out for salt and pepper, or have funny tastes.  The best clam chowders all work within the bounds of the basic recipe, like a poet finds creativity in a sonnet, to create the best chowders.  South Bay Wild’s chowder is worthy.  I give it an 8 on the Sea Hag Scale (readers will note that I base my 1 to 10 scales on the places where I have had the best of a given dish.  For clam chowder, that is Gracie’s Sea Hag in Depoe Bay, Oregon).  

Next came the main course.  The fish and chips are appetizing to look at.  

The Main Course

The breading is golden, and crisp, as are the fries.  I got the sole, which the server said was the most popular.  

So, here goes:

The fish:  the breading has no oil taste, which means that they keep their fryer clean, and don’t overuse their oil.  I’ve tasted fish and chips where the dominant flavor is the oil, and that’s not good.  At South Bay, that was not a concern.  At first taste, the fish was fresh, and not too fishy (an oxymoron, I know).  I like the taste of fish, but if it tastes fishy, it’s usually old.  The types of fish used for fish and chips tends to be on the lighter side: cod, halibut, sole, and rock fish, so it’s easy to tell how fresh it is.  The one complaint I have is that the breading falls apart with the first bite.  It reminds me of a gluten free breading.  I have nothing against that.  They can be delicious.  However, when served in a metal basket like this on top of the fries, it’s hard to eat when the breading disintegrates.  I ended up repurposing a napkin as a plate.

The tartar sauce:  Good, and not too sweet.  They used a quality mayo, and the right amount of other ingredients.  I was into the second fillet before I remembered to rate the sauce, so there was nothing in it to throw off the flavor.  

The Fries:  Crisp, and delicious.  They pass the Salt Test, whereby they are just fine with only salt from beginning to end.  I can add ketchup if I want to, but I don’t have to.  

The Coleslaw:  This was the only unusual part of the meal.  The cabbage had an unusual business partner: sliced olives.  It also tasted fermented.  I asked the cook, and she said that it was a 24-hour marinade.  I liked it.  It wasn’t cloyingly sweet like some coleslaws, but the unusual flavor was hard to get used to at first.  

Overall Rating:  I give South Bay Wild a 9 on the Rose and Thistle Scale.  If you are Passing through Astoria, give this place a try.  The service will snag you by the mouth, and the food will set the hook.  

The Impatient Chef.